May 2024 Update
April was tough. I have nothing to complain about, and yet my mind has been restless, writing has been like banging my head against a brick wall, and my confidence in my guitar playing has plummeted. I was more or less productive, but I haven't felt fulfilled and it has been hard to be still and content. I have such great personal ambition, and yet my time and skill is so limited that I get stuck in this cycle of pride and self-criticism that makes it difficult to find joy in creativity. This month I will try to remember that I am not doing any of this to achieve something great. I am doing it because I love it. The process is its own reward.
Writing
Finding the end of a book is a miracle, and I'm still waiting for mine.
Audiobook
Was on a good spree of editing Part II, and then discovered several chapters that need to be re-recorded due to poor audio quality. Not sure what happened to them but they sound awful and unsalvageable. Don't have to start over, but will have to get in the swing of narration again.
Music
Been playing and writing, and I've experienced real joy in creation, but it has also been hard. It has been very humbling to discover my limitations as a guitarist. I found my limits much faster than I wanted to and while YouTube has been an invaluable resource for music theory and song-learning, it also makes me feel like I know nothing in comparison, and that as far as I come it is only a fraction of the way up a colossal, endless mountain. And yet I know that mountain is one that every guitarist scales forever, except maybe Hendrix, who stood next to it and chopped it down.
Podcast
Have mostly finished editing the six episodes Eric and I recorded in person. Feels good to reach the end of the editing and have things to publish. We're also launching a Patreon! So stay tuned.
Reading
Read Part II of East of Eden in preparation for the podcast (Part 1 out now!). Also re-reading LOTR, and it's wonderful. It is amazing how much I have forgotten. I think there is some idea in the cultural conversation that we understand and remember LOTR because it was so huge and is such a presence in the fantasy genre, but when you go back and read it, it still feels fresh and different, and I have discovered things in the reading I had forgotten, like the Dimrill Dale and Unfading Grass of Lothlorien. I highly recommend going back and taking your time with it. It is not one to speed read or try to get through for plot. It is like a living vision, filled with magic and whimsy, that must yet face the evil without as well as the evil within.
Listening
Hendrix and Slash for inspiration and humility on guitar. Picked up a copy of Handel's music at the thrift store I plan on going through. Perhaps I am preaching to the choir, or this statement may sound trite, but I have been awed by the richness in classical music; and while I know that it is still played and enjoyed today I can't help feeling that there has been something lost from the public consciousness, which does not have the patience to sit through a concert or appreciate the nuances of music that takes time to build themes and tell stories in sound without lyrics... A fair amount of that is probably my natural curmudgeon, but give this a listen and tell me how you feel: La Creation Du Monde, Op. 81 (Creation Of The World) (1923)
Found it on a local radio station and it took me places more modern music can't.
First, thank you for reading! To echo a sentiment from Thomas Hardy, I greatly regret that I will never be able to meet you in person and shake your hand, but perhaps we can virtually shake hands via my newsletter, social media, or a cup of coffee sent over the wire. They are poor substitutes, but they can be a real grace in this intractable world.
Send me a kind word or a cup of coffee: