February 2025 Update
“How with this rage shall beauty hold a plea, Whose action is no stronger than a flower?”
— Shakespeare, Sonnet LXV, found in Another Country by James Baldwin
“I must believe, I must believe, that the heavy grace of God, which has brought me to this place, is all that can carry me out of it.”
— James Baldwin, Giovanni's Room
My plans were quite shattered this month, by the flu, by life, by myself. Nothing dramatic, but enough to keep me away from my goals. I know that with young kids I shouldn't have any expectations, and that it won't last forever, but the pace is grueling, especially when you get sick. It seems cruel that one of the sweetest seasons of parenthood is also one of the most physically draining. My mind says, “savor, enjoy, celebrate this,” but my body says “sleep, escape, comfort yourself.” I must believe.
Writing
I have decided to query my book, which means I will have to take it down from sale. If you want to get a “pre-release” copy please order it by the end of this month, since I plan to start querying in March. It is a step that I think I have been preparing unconsciously to take for a long time. I don't think I was ready when I self-published it, but now I am. I have never really had sales, and I will never have what it takes to drive those sales, so therefore I need a publisher if I ever want to make writing more than a hobby, and good God how I want it to be more than a hobby.
Audiobook
I think I will leave Part 1 of the audiobook up on YouTube, but I will probably freeze work on Part 2 for now while I get ready to query. Life is just too busy right now.
Music
Thankfully I have still been playing and practicing, and you can check my YouTube channel later tonight for my Tiny Desk submission if all goes to plan.
Reading
I picked up James Baldwin for Black History Month and have not been disappointed by Giovanni's Room and Another Country. I still like Go Tell it on the Mountain the best, but it has been very humbling and enriching to read these books. They have a lot of sex and a lot of angst, which would normally put me off, but Baldwin writes with such humility, boldness, and honesty that I bear it willingly for the expansion of my experience. I feel as though I've been in his skin for a little while, which I suppose means he wasn't entirely successful with the novels, since I am very conscious of him as a narrator — but such is the nature of fiction that “success” depends not so much on the work as on the reader's definition of it. To me, Baldwin is just as successful as Steinbeck, and maybe even more successful if growth of soul is the definition of success. I can't recommend Go Tell it on the Mountain enough. It is truly a miracle of a book.
Oh, and for anyone who cares, I made an account on Bookwyrm, a decentralized Goodreads alternative, so that I could track my reading and write reviews. They are highly opinionated and rather slapdash, but that's what the internet brings out of me.
And that's it for this month. Stay safe out there.
Thank you for reading! I greatly regret that I will most likely never be able to meet you in person and shake your hand, but perhaps we can virtually shake hands via my newsletter, social media, or a cup of coffee sent over the wire. They are poor substitutes, but they can be a real grace in this intractable world.
Send me a kind word or a cup of coffee: