May 2026 Update
“So little do we see before us in the World, and so much reason have we to depend cheerfully upon the great Maker of the Wold, that he does not leave his Creatures so absolutely destitute, but that in the worst Circumstances they have always something to be thankful for, and sometimes are nearer their Deliverance than they imagine; nay, are even brought to their Deliverance by the Means by which they seem to be brought to their Destruction.”
— From Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe (p259).
When I think about my recent creative output I get the same sick feeling in my stomach I used to get when I showed up to class without doing my homework. The months have gone so quickly, and my emotions have been so up and down, that I haven't been able to maintain any consistent output. My mind wants to turn to the worst habits, and I feel very distracted. We are not going through a crisis or anything like that, but we're just tired. I am ready for the school year to be over. At the very least, I can say that I did some things this past month, and I do consistently* play guitar and read and study my languages. I think discipline consists much more in the little decisions that we must make over and over every single day, than in the resolutions we make a few times a year.
Writing
I did a little work on my current novel, but not enough. Throughout my days I hear my characters calling to me, wondering where I am and why I am leaving them where they are. Then when I do sit down I get distracted and/or my toddler comes and starts poking my face or throwing books at me because she wants me to read to her.
Music
I have been playing almost every day, but I haven't really produced anything but podcast episodes. It is just really hard to find the time and energy right now. Sometimes I try to play around the kids, and they enjoy it for a few minutes, but then my toddler twists the tuners on my guitar and I get mad. I do believe that being interruptible is a virtue that Jesus displayed, but more often I feel like Harrison Bergeron's Dad.
Listening
I spent a great deal of time with Needtobreathe's new album, The Long Surrender. It was the first time since the HARDLOVE era that I really connected with and decided to buy one of their albums (yes, I still buy physical discs). It had a confessional, honest tone that felt very timely. Favorite tracks are probably Say It Now and Strangeness of It All. It was a great comfort to reconnect with a beloved band, especially in this season of life and this season of the world.
Reading
I have just finished Robinson Crusoe and I enjoyed it. According to the Preface, Defoe intended it for “the Improvement and Instruction of Mankind in the Ways of Virtue and Piety, by representing the various Circumstances to which Mankind is exposed; and encouraging such as fall into ordinary or extraordinary Casualties of Life, how to work thro' Difficulties, with unwearied Diligence and Application, and look up to Providence for Success.” It is full of un-hypocritical 'middle-aged moralizing' that the world seems devoid of right now. It definitely has some rough edges, but for a novel written in 1719 I think you might be surprised how pleasant it is to read once you get used to the punctuation and spelling. My copy also has a bunch of appendices that give some context for the novel, which I appreciate.
It has shown me just how uncomfortable I have become with Solitude, and how hypocritical I am when it comes to my engagement with technology. I wish I could say that after reading Robinson Crusoe I have changed my Ways. But the awareness of a Sin does not always Deliver you from It. Sometimes it makes you feel more Wretched. One of the appendices includes a sermon of sorts, about Solitude, in which the author (Richard Baxter) describes how much “VANITY and VEXATION” we could be delivered from by Solitude, if only we could be delivered from ourselves. I think this is why we have engineered the extinction of boredom (besides greed). We use our devices to escape from ourselves, and I am too painfully aware of that in myself right now. Still, it is a starting place, and I am resolved to keep fighting for my Tranquility and Peace and Industry, by the Grace of God, throughout the ordinary and extraordinary “Casualties of Life.”
Thank you for reading! I greatly regret that I will most likely never be able to meet you in person and shake your hand, but perhaps we can virtually shake hands via my newsletter, social media, or a cup of coffee sent over the wire. They are poor substitutes, but they can be a real grace in this intractable world.
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Sources
Defoe, Daniel. Crusoe Robinson. Edited by Evan R. Davis. Broadview Press, Toronto, Ontario, 2010 (1719).