Update &mdash; Hunter Dansin https://blog.hdansin.com/tag:Update Home for my words Sun, 26 Jul 2026 23:08:58 +0000 https://i.snap.as/tOjrfVcT.png Update &mdash; Hunter Dansin https://blog.hdansin.com/tag:Update July 2026 Update https://blog.hdansin.com/july-2026-update?pk_campaign=rss-feed <![CDATA[ "Our haste from hence is of so quick condition That it prefers itself and leaves unquestioned Matters of needful value." -- Shakespeare, Measure for Measure 1.1 A stack of books mentioned in this post on top of the journal used to draft the first paragraph. This is my last summer as a "stay at home Dad." I ought to reflect on the time I have spent caring for my children (which is really just the beginning of my parenting journey). And so I have; I see that 'reflecting on the value of' is a meaningless phrase that dodges the real question--because we will never know the true value of our life decisions--not unless we are granted Divine Insight. There are a thousand hidden variables that we will never see, and many thousands of ripples more that escape the meaning of 'variables.' How can I calculate the worth of seeing my baby boy smile just for me? Or snuggling with my girl when I read her books every day? This is the problem with a culture so focused on screen appearances and data driven decisions. We can do this with anything, even reading; one can post quotes on social media, but one of the great joys of reading is not finding quotes, it is experiencing the culmination of a thought or a plot in context. It is the sort of joy that cannot be posted online because no one wants to copy & paste three chapters and an explainer (and even if you did post it, it would suck the exclusiveness out of it). Sociology and science are useful tools that can help us understand ourselves and the world, but they were never meant to replace our hearts. Do I really need a study that tells me about the positive outcomes for children who have active and involved fathers? And even if I did, and I found that study, I would still be plagued by a nagging doubt that I was not that father in that study. Science is maddeningly specific, so we must be extremely careful when we apply it to our lives. Real scientists know this, which is why they speak in experimental terms. Most of us are not real scientists, so we misuse it and doubt all our assumptions unless we have a verified dataset with a regression. !--more-- Writing It has been very difficult to write. It is mostly my fault, but this summer has felt far more busy than I wanted it to. It has been busy with good things and lots of fun, but still busy, and at the end of the day I feel so tired that I just want to relax or binge. Still, I managed to do some writing, and have written through the end of my current project (for now). I am now starting at the beginning and rewriting it to get it all in my head and see where I might need to add some sections. I almost always have the opposite problem that Stephen King has. He writes in On Writing that he usually cuts at least 10% from his draft material, whereas I always find myself having to add things. I think a lot of writers out there are Stephen Kings in that sense, but I don't know. I did write a Sonnet, and I got my Substack up and running. Substack is okay, but I do not enjoy the fact that they cloned Facebook and default to an algorithm driven homepage. They do encourage people to actually pay writers for their work, which is nice, but I get suggested content from people I don't follow and it annoys me. I have been able to engage with authors, which is cool, but I don't really know where the line is between honest engagement and coming up with comments in the hopes of being noticed. I have been thinking a lot about C.S. Lewis's Inner Ring and I will have to write an essay soon incorporating the Abolition of Man. I have never loved social media and I am highly skeptical that there is anyone who does. Even when it is made up of things I love (books and theology etc.), there is just something hollow and distracting about it. When I spend an inordinate amount of time on Substack's social platform I come away wishing I had been reading a book instead. This is hypocritical because I feel the need to post on there in order to "build an audience," but that has never really worked for me and I am not convinced anyone can build an audience from nothing. The people most famous on Twitter are people who are already famous. My strategy, I guess, is just to keep writing (not posting). Music I attempted to record a song but my timing was off, which hurts more when you are a one man band and your 'recording studio' is almost never quiet. I usually track acoustic first because that's how the songs were written and it is the foundation, but I think I will have to track drums first and use a metronome because the timing really hurts me. It is frustrating because I have to track acoustic in order to actually figure out what to play on drums, but this is a learning process. I could use a metronome, but I don't enjoy tracking guitar with it. I do believe in practicing with a metronome but when it comes to performance I find it can get in the way. My intentional practicing has fallen off a bit and I should get back to it. Reading The book that looms largest in my mind this past month is Dostoevsky's Notes From a Dead House, which was a Father's Day gift from my wife. He wrote it after spending four years in a Siberian prison camp and it is full of startling and beautiful impressions. I'll just say that it helps put my 'suffering' in perspective, and has helped me rediscover the joy of reading for itself and no other end. I'll just leave a long quote here: "Tyranny is a habit; it is endowed with development, and develops finally into an illness. I stand upon this, that the best of men can, from habit, become coarse and stupefied to the point of brutality. Blood and power intoxicate: coarseness and depravity develop; the most abnormal phenomena become accessible and, finally, sweet to the mind and feelings. Man and citizen perish forever in the tyrant, and the return to human dignity, to repentance, to regeneration, becomes almost impossible for him. What's more, the example, the possibility, of such self-will has a contagious effect on the whole of society: power is seductive. A society that looks indifferently upon such a phenomenon is itself infected at its foundation. In short, the right of corporal punishment, granted to one man over another, is one of the plagues of society, one of the most powerful means of annihilating in it any germ, any attempt at civility, and full grounds for its inevitable and ineluctable corruption" (Part II, Chapter III). I am also reading Measure for Measure and I am very excited to go see it this summer. Find some Shakespeare near you, it will change your life. Ah yes, for July 4th, I also read Langston Hughes' Let America Be America Again and it was beautiful. I have been recommending it everywhere because it is that good. I believe poetry has the power to take all our pain and thought and feeling and passion and redeem it all into something beautiful, so that, for a time, we can find relief. --- #update #July Thank you for reading! I greatly regret that I will most likely never be able to meet you in person and shake your hand, but perhaps we can virtually shake hands via my newsletter, social media, or a cup of coffee sent over the wire. They are poor substitutes, but they can be a real grace in this intractable world. !--emailsub-- --- Send me a kind word or a cup of coffee: Buy Me a Coffee | Listen to My Music | Listen to My Podcast | Follow Me on Mastodon | Read With Me on Bookwyrm | Connect With Me on Substack ]]>

“Our haste from hence is of so quick condition That it prefers itself and leaves unquestioned Matters of needful value.”

— Shakespeare, Measure for Measure 1.1

A stack of books mentioned in this post on top of the journal used to draft the first paragraph.

This is my last summer as a “stay at home Dad.” I ought to reflect on the time I have spent caring for my children (which is really just the beginning of my parenting journey). And so I have; I see that 'reflecting on the value of' is a meaningless phrase that dodges the real question—because we will never know the true value of our life decisions—not unless we are granted Divine Insight. There are a thousand hidden variables that we will never see, and many thousands of ripples more that escape the meaning of 'variables.' How can I calculate the worth of seeing my baby boy smile just for me? Or snuggling with my girl when I read her books every day? This is the problem with a culture so focused on screen appearances and data driven decisions. We can do this with anything, even reading; one can post quotes on social media, but one of the great joys of reading is not finding quotes, it is experiencing the culmination of a thought or a plot in context. It is the sort of joy that cannot be posted online because no one wants to copy & paste three chapters and an explainer (and even if you did post it, it would suck the exclusiveness out of it). Sociology and science are useful tools that can help us understand ourselves and the world, but they were never meant to replace our hearts. Do I really need a study that tells me about the positive outcomes for children who have active and involved fathers? And even if I did, and I found that study, I would still be plagued by a nagging doubt that I was not that father in that study. Science is maddeningly specific, so we must be extremely careful when we apply it to our lives. Real scientists know this, which is why they speak in experimental terms. Most of us are not real scientists, so we misuse it and doubt all our assumptions unless we have a verified dataset with a regression.

Writing

It has been very difficult to write. It is mostly my fault, but this summer has felt far more busy than I wanted it to. It has been busy with good things and lots of fun, but still busy, and at the end of the day I feel so tired that I just want to relax or binge. Still, I managed to do some writing, and have written through the end of my current project (for now). I am now starting at the beginning and rewriting it to get it all in my head and see where I might need to add some sections. I almost always have the opposite problem that Stephen King has. He writes in On Writing that he usually cuts at least 10% from his draft material, whereas I always find myself having to add things. I think a lot of writers out there are Stephen Kings in that sense, but I don't know.

I did write a Sonnet, and I got my Substack up and running. Substack is okay, but I do not enjoy the fact that they cloned Facebook and default to an algorithm driven homepage. They do encourage people to actually pay writers for their work, which is nice, but I get suggested content from people I don't follow and it annoys me. I have been able to engage with authors, which is cool, but I don't really know where the line is between honest engagement and coming up with comments in the hopes of being noticed. I have been thinking a lot about C.S. Lewis's Inner Ring and I will have to write an essay soon incorporating the Abolition of Man. I have never loved social media and I am highly skeptical that there is anyone who does. Even when it is made up of things I love (books and theology etc.), there is just something hollow and distracting about it. When I spend an inordinate amount of time on Substack's social platform I come away wishing I had been reading a book instead. This is hypocritical because I feel the need to post on there in order to “build an audience,” but that has never really worked for me and I am not convinced anyone can build an audience from nothing. The people most famous on Twitter are people who are already famous. My strategy, I guess, is just to keep writing (not posting).

Music

I attempted to record a song but my timing was off, which hurts more when you are a one man band and your 'recording studio' is almost never quiet. I usually track acoustic first because that's how the songs were written and it is the foundation, but I think I will have to track drums first and use a metronome because the timing really hurts me. It is frustrating because I have to track acoustic in order to actually figure out what to play on drums, but this is a learning process. I could use a metronome, but I don't enjoy tracking guitar with it. I do believe in practicing with a metronome but when it comes to performance I find it can get in the way. My intentional practicing has fallen off a bit and I should get back to it.

Reading

The book that looms largest in my mind this past month is Dostoevsky's Notes From a Dead House, which was a Father's Day gift from my wife. He wrote it after spending four years in a Siberian prison camp and it is full of startling and beautiful impressions. I'll just say that it helps put my 'suffering' in perspective, and has helped me rediscover the joy of reading for itself and no other end. I'll just leave a long quote here:

“Tyranny is a habit; it is endowed with development, and develops finally into an illness. I stand upon this, that the best of men can, from habit, become coarse and stupefied to the point of brutality. Blood and power intoxicate: coarseness and depravity develop; the most abnormal phenomena become accessible and, finally, sweet to the mind and feelings. Man and citizen perish forever in the tyrant, and the return to human dignity, to repentance, to regeneration, becomes almost impossible for him. What's more, the example, the possibility, of such self-will has a contagious effect on the whole of society: power is seductive. A society that looks indifferently upon such a phenomenon is itself infected at its foundation. In short, the right of corporal punishment, granted to one man over another, is one of the plagues of society, one of the most powerful means of annihilating in it any germ, any attempt at civility, and full grounds for its inevitable and ineluctable corruption” (Part II, Chapter III).

I am also reading Measure for Measure and I am very excited to go see it this summer. Find some Shakespeare near you, it will change your life.

Ah yes, for July 4th, I also read Langston Hughes' Let America Be America Again and it was beautiful. I have been recommending it everywhere because it is that good. I believe poetry has the power to take all our pain and thought and feeling and passion and redeem it all into something beautiful, so that, for a time, we can find relief.

#update #July

Thank you for reading! I greatly regret that I will most likely never be able to meet you in person and shake your hand, but perhaps we can virtually shake hands via my newsletter, social media, or a cup of coffee sent over the wire. They are poor substitutes, but they can be a real grace in this intractable world.

Send me a kind word or a cup of coffee:

Buy Me a Coffee | Listen to My Music | Listen to My Podcast | Follow Me on Mastodon | Read With Me on Bookwyrm | Connect With Me on Substack

]]> https://blog.hdansin.com/july-2026-update Thu, 09 Jul 2026 20:43:00 +0000 June 2026 Update https://blog.hdansin.com/june-2026-update?pk_campaign=rss-feed <![CDATA[ To be no more; sad cure; for who would lose Though full of pain, this intellectual being, Those thoughts that wander through eternity? Milton, Paradise Lost, II.145-50 a picture of my notebook with Paradise Lost and Hughes on top of it We are finally at the end of the school year and I feel more like a defeated runner dragging themselves across the finish line than a triumphant victor. My emotional stamina, whether depleted by vice or by virtue, has been in question for some time now. But as we look towards the summer I am hopeful. There are good things in the future, and I am glad that I serve a good God, who wants to bring Love and Justice and Goodness to the world, in spite of our failings. And I am very glad that He does not value us based on money or status or achievement. I have been brought face to face with my pessimism and pride, and it is painful; like losing a layer of skin. I am going to try to change. And remember that art is fun. !--more-- Writing I have been writing. Not as much as I would like, but progress is progress. I hope I can find more time this summer. If I can plan to get up earlier it would be great to have some routine. To be honest (and what is the point of this if I am not honest?), my passion for writing has not carried me far enough. I am really going on faith. I believe the passion will come back, but I don't think that is uncommon with creative work. A great deal of writing happens away from the page. Virginia Woolf, for example, wrote in her diary about the books she had to be reading while working on a particular project. The imagination must be always working on problems and possibilities. I have also been plagued by a great deal of self doubt lately, and whether or not I am making a fool of myself by publishing things. That self-doubt is most likely due to insecurities and/or spiritual combat, but it definitely hurts me and creeps into all my other relationships. I know I shouldn't worry, but that is easier said than done, especially when the State of the World is added on top of everything else. Substack If you are reading this on Substack, cool! I made this decision the same way I made the decision to post on Medium. As always, write.as/hdansin is the definitive home for my words, and subscribing here is the best way to stay up to date. However, write.as does not have very good "discovery" features, and it seems like more and more writers are finding audiences on Substack. There are also a lot of public intellectuals/writers I respect on it. In an ideal world I would not have to maintain my work across multiple platforms (the copy/paste fatigue is real), but here we are. I don't really believe in paywalls, so all my work (except for the books I'm working on) will continue to be posted here for free. The only paywalled content I am considering posting on Substack are audio recordings of me reading some of my essays, if I get around to producing them; and pictures of some of my handwritten drafts/song lyrics. Here are the links: Substack | Medium | Buy Me a Coffee Subscribe to this blog: !--emailsub-- Music I have been playing, and I usually enjoy it, but once again self doubt hits me here. I sometimes feel that I play too much when I play. I don't use enough restraint and my notes mean less. Guitar is something of an outlet for me, so there is a sense in which my playing reflects my internal state. I have not been doing as much intentional practice, which I should really get back to. I've also not made any more progress on recording Lit Songs, which will hopefully change this summer. I did get together with a couple of friends to jam, and it was a lot of fun. Podcast I should also put a note here, and say that Eric and I finally launched a Patreon for our podcast! https://www.patreon.com/cw/RaiseaGlass2012 It actually has a lot of content for paid subscribers, so if you want to support me/us and get some more things in return than warm fuzzies and my eternal thanks, it is a great way to do it. We have some fun plans for the next season. Reading As you can see I finally started reading Paradise Lost. It has been on my list for a while now because it shaped C.S. Lewis and Tolkien and is a Big Important Epic Poem. It is very good, but I do not love it quite as much as the Iliad. The whole thing so far is about Satan, and definitely romanticizes him. I can really see how C.S. Lewis's Perelandra is kind of a response, and even a critique of the "heroism" that Milton infuses Satan with. Yet there is truth here, and it is worth reading. I think it is fascinating in the beginning, when Satan says that their struggle (rebelling against God) has no other purpose than to rebel. They are evil not for evil's sake, but because God is good and they are opposed to God. If God were not good than they would not be opposed to goodness: To do aught good never will be our task, But ever to do ill our sole delight, As being contrary to his high will Whom we resist. If then his Providence Out of our evil seek to bring forth good, Our labour must be to pervert that end, And out of good still to find means of evil, I.159-165 Milton is, I think, projecting the nature of our own Sin onto Satan. God's commands are good, if we follow them. The only reason we rebel is "just because" we want our own way. It is a fascinating way to engage with the story of Genesis. It has also inspired me to experiment with some different meters in my own poetry, and try something different besides iambic pentameter, to see what I come up with. Milton throws shade at rhyming in the preface. "…rhyme being no necessary adjunct or true ornament of poem or good verse… but the invention of a barbarous age, to set off wretched matter and lame metre." That take is a bit silly, but there are a great many children's books I've read which would have been better if the authors hadn't tried to force the rhymes. Dr. Seuss is an exception, and I think Shakespeare's sonnets will always work against Milton here. But I am inspired to try some new things with poetry. I've been reading lots of other things. Finally finished book six of Wheel of Time. Still working through City of God. Read Alan Noble's new book To Live Well, as well as lots of Nathan Hale's Hazardous Tales. Blew through Careless People by Sarah Wynn-Williams in about two days. Listened to Daniel Handler's Poison for Breakfast. Despite all that I keep choosing video games and/or TV at night, and after I lay down and pick up my book I usually wish I had been reading – to say nothing of all the writing I could have been doing, and the sleep I am missing. But after making that list, I am realizing that I might be fixating on my vices, because I really do read a lot more than I watch. I periodically update my reading, and post informal reviews on Bookwyrm. This summer I plan to limit screen time to the weekend, and try to keep a semi-regular "work" schedule. But I will also be applying to jobs for the fall and processing the end of my life as a "stay-at-home parent." We can't really afford for me not to work, so I'll have to keep finding ways to slot writing and everything else in between. I will also try to stop complaining about it. I am going to try and cherish this summer as much as possible. As Lemony Snicket's librarian says, "keep reading." --- #update #June Thank you for reading! I greatly regret that I will most likely never be able to meet you in person and shake your hand, but perhaps we can virtually shake hands via my newsletter, social media, or a cup of coffee sent over the wire. They are poor substitutes, but they can be a real grace in this intractable world. !--emailsub-- --- Send me a kind word or a cup of coffee: Buy Me a Coffee | Listen to My Music | Listen to My Podcast | Follow Me on Mastodon | Read With Me on Bookwyrm ]]>

To be no more; sad cure; for who would lose Though full of pain, this intellectual being, Those thoughts that wander through eternity?

Milton, Paradise Lost, II.145-50

a picture of my notebook with Paradise Lost and Hughes on top of it

We are finally at the end of the school year and I feel more like a defeated runner dragging themselves across the finish line than a triumphant victor. My emotional stamina, whether depleted by vice or by virtue, has been in question for some time now. But as we look towards the summer I am hopeful. There are good things in the future, and I am glad that I serve a good God, who wants to bring Love and Justice and Goodness to the world, in spite of our failings. And I am very glad that He does not value us based on money or status or achievement. I have been brought face to face with my pessimism and pride, and it is painful; like losing a layer of skin. I am going to try to change. And remember that art is fun.

Writing

I have been writing. Not as much as I would like, but progress is progress. I hope I can find more time this summer. If I can plan to get up earlier it would be great to have some routine. To be honest (and what is the point of this if I am not honest?), my passion for writing has not carried me far enough. I am really going on faith. I believe the passion will come back, but I don't think that is uncommon with creative work. A great deal of writing happens away from the page. Virginia Woolf, for example, wrote in her diary about the books she had to be reading while working on a particular project. The imagination must be always working on problems and possibilities. I have also been plagued by a great deal of self doubt lately, and whether or not I am making a fool of myself by publishing things. That self-doubt is most likely due to insecurities and/or spiritual combat, but it definitely hurts me and creeps into all my other relationships. I know I shouldn't worry, but that is easier said than done, especially when the State of the World is added on top of everything else.

Substack

If you are reading this on Substack, cool! I made this decision the same way I made the decision to post on Medium. As always, write.as/hdansin is the definitive home for my words, and subscribing here is the best way to stay up to date. However, write.as does not have very good “discovery” features, and it seems like more and more writers are finding audiences on Substack. There are also a lot of public intellectuals/writers I respect on it. In an ideal world I would not have to maintain my work across multiple platforms (the copy/paste fatigue is real), but here we are. I don't really believe in paywalls, so all my work (except for the books I'm working on) will continue to be posted here for free. The only paywalled content I am considering posting on Substack are audio recordings of me reading some of my essays, if I get around to producing them; and pictures of some of my handwritten drafts/song lyrics.

Here are the links: Substack | Medium | Buy Me a Coffee

Subscribe to this blog:

Music

I have been playing, and I usually enjoy it, but once again self doubt hits me here. I sometimes feel that I play too much when I play. I don't use enough restraint and my notes mean less. Guitar is something of an outlet for me, so there is a sense in which my playing reflects my internal state. I have not been doing as much intentional practice, which I should really get back to. I've also not made any more progress on recording Lit Songs, which will hopefully change this summer. I did get together with a couple of friends to jam, and it was a lot of fun.

Podcast

I should also put a note here, and say that Eric and I finally launched a Patreon for our podcast!

https://www.patreon.com/cw/RaiseaGlass2012

It actually has a lot of content for paid subscribers, so if you want to support me/us and get some more things in return than warm fuzzies and my eternal thanks, it is a great way to do it. We have some fun plans for the next season.

Reading

As you can see I finally started reading Paradise Lost. It has been on my list for a while now because it shaped C.S. Lewis and Tolkien and is a Big Important Epic Poem. It is very good, but I do not love it quite as much as the Iliad. The whole thing so far is about Satan, and definitely romanticizes him. I can really see how C.S. Lewis's Perelandra is kind of a response, and even a critique of the “heroism” that Milton infuses Satan with. Yet there is truth here, and it is worth reading. I think it is fascinating in the beginning, when Satan says that their struggle (rebelling against God) has no other purpose than to rebel. They are evil not for evil's sake, but because God is good and they are opposed to God. If God were not good than they would not be opposed to goodness:

To do aught good never will be our task,
But ever to do ill our sole delight,
As being contrary to his high will
Whom we resist. If then his Providence
Out of our evil seek to bring forth good,
Our labour must be to pervert that end,
And out of good still to find means of evil,

I.159-165

Milton is, I think, projecting the nature of our own Sin onto Satan. God's commands are good, if we follow them. The only reason we rebel is “just because” we want our own way. It is a fascinating way to engage with the story of Genesis. It has also inspired me to experiment with some different meters in my own poetry, and try something different besides iambic pentameter, to see what I come up with. Milton throws shade at rhyming in the preface. “…rhyme being no necessary adjunct or true ornament of poem or good verse… but the invention of a barbarous age, to set off wretched matter and lame metre.” That take is a bit silly, but there are a great many children's books I've read which would have been better if the authors hadn't tried to force the rhymes. Dr. Seuss is an exception, and I think Shakespeare's sonnets will always work against Milton here. But I am inspired to try some new things with poetry.

I've been reading lots of other things. Finally finished book six of Wheel of Time. Still working through City of God. Read Alan Noble's new book To Live Well, as well as lots of Nathan Hale's Hazardous Tales. Blew through Careless People by Sarah Wynn-Williams in about two days. Listened to Daniel Handler's Poison for Breakfast. Despite all that I keep choosing video games and/or TV at night, and after I lay down and pick up my book I usually wish I had been reading – to say nothing of all the writing I could have been doing, and the sleep I am missing. But after making that list, I am realizing that I might be fixating on my vices, because I really do read a lot more than I watch.

I periodically update my reading, and post informal reviews on Bookwyrm.

This summer I plan to limit screen time to the weekend, and try to keep a semi-regular “work” schedule. But I will also be applying to jobs for the fall and processing the end of my life as a “stay-at-home parent.” We can't really afford for me not to work, so I'll have to keep finding ways to slot writing and everything else in between. I will also try to stop complaining about it. I am going to try and cherish this summer as much as possible.

As Lemony Snicket's librarian says, “keep reading.”

#update #June

Thank you for reading! I greatly regret that I will most likely never be able to meet you in person and shake your hand, but perhaps we can virtually shake hands via my newsletter, social media, or a cup of coffee sent over the wire. They are poor substitutes, but they can be a real grace in this intractable world.

Send me a kind word or a cup of coffee:

Buy Me a Coffee | Listen to My Music | Listen to My Podcast | Follow Me on Mastodon | Read With Me on Bookwyrm

]]> https://blog.hdansin.com/june-2026-update Sun, 07 Jun 2026 13:32:36 +0000 May 2026 Update https://blog.hdansin.com/may-2026-update?pk_campaign=rss-feed <![CDATA["So little do we see before us in the World, and so much reason have we to depend cheerfully upon the great Maker of the World, that he does not leave his Creatures so absolutely destitute, but that in the worst Circumstances they have always something to be thankful for, and sometimes are nearer their Deliverance than they imagine; nay, are even brought to their Deliverance by the Means by which they seem to be brought to their Destruction." -- From Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe (p259). My desk with Robinson Crusoe and some handwritten drafts on it When I think about my recent creative output I get the same sick feeling in my stomach I used to get when I showed up to class without doing my homework. The months have gone so quickly, and my emotions have been so up and down, that I haven't been able to maintain any consistent output. My mind wants to turn to the worst habits, and I feel very distracted. We are not going through a crisis or anything like that, but we're just tired. I am ready for the school year to be over. At the very least, I can say that I did some things this past month, and I do consistently play guitar and read and study my languages. I think discipline consists much more in the little decisions that we must make over and over every single day, than in the resolutions we make a few times a year. !--more-- Writing I did a little work on my current novel, but not enough. Throughout my days I hear my characters calling to me, wondering where I am and why I am leaving them where they are. Then when I do sit down I get distracted and/or my toddler comes and starts poking my face or throwing books at me because she wants me to read to her. Music I have been playing almost every day, but I haven't really produced anything but podcast episodes. It is just really hard to find the time and energy right now. Sometimes I try to play around the kids, and they enjoy it for a few minutes, but then my toddler twists the tuners on my guitar and I get mad. I do believe that being interruptible is a virtue that Jesus displayed, but more often I feel like Harrison Bergeron's Dad. Listening I spent a great deal of time with Needtobreathe's new album, The Long Surrender. It was the first time since the HARDLOVE era that I really connected with and decided to buy one of their albums (yes, I still buy physical discs). It had a confessional, honest tone that felt very timely. Favorite tracks are probably Say It Now and Strangeness of It All. It was a great comfort to reconnect with a beloved band, especially in this season of life and this season of the world. Reading I have just finished Robinson Crusoe and I enjoyed it. According to the Preface, Defoe intended it for "the Improvement and Instruction of Mankind in the Ways of Virtue and Piety, by representing the various Circumstances to which Mankind is exposed; and encouraging such as fall into ordinary or extraordinary Casualties of Life, how to work thro' Difficulties, with unwearied Diligence and Application, and look up to Providence for Success." It is full of un-hypocritical 'middle-aged moralizing' that the world seems devoid of right now. It definitely has some rough edges, but for a novel written in 1719 I think you might be surprised how pleasant it is to read once you get used to the punctuation and spelling. My copy also has a bunch of appendices that give some context for the novel, which I appreciate. It has shown me just how uncomfortable I have become with Solitude, and how hypocritical I am when it comes to my engagement with technology. I wish I could say that after reading Robinson Crusoe I have changed my Ways. But the awareness of a Sin does not always Deliver you from It. Sometimes it makes you feel more Wretched. One of the appendices includes a sermon of sorts, about Solitude, in which the author (Richard Baxter) describes how much "VANITY and VEXATION" we could be delivered from by Solitude, if only we could be delivered from ourselves. I think this is why we have engineered the extinction of boredom (besides greed). We use our devices to escape from ourselves, and I am too painfully aware of that in myself right now. Still, it is a starting place, and I am resolved to keep fighting for my Tranquility and Peace and Industry, by the Grace of God, throughout the ordinary and extraordinary "Casualties of Life." #update #May #2026 --- Thank you for reading! I greatly regret that I will most likely never be able to meet you in person and shake your hand, but perhaps we can virtually shake hands via my newsletter, social media, or a cup of coffee sent over the wire. They are poor substitutes, but they can be a real grace in this intractable world. !--emailsub-- --- Send me a kind word or a cup of coffee: Buy Me a Coffee | Listen to My Music | Listen to My Podcast | Follow Me on Mastodon | Read With Me on Bookwyrm --- Sources Defoe, Daniel. Crusoe Robinson.* Edited by Evan R. Davis. Broadview Press, Toronto, Ontario, 2010 (1719).]]> “So little do we see before us in the World, and so much reason have we to depend cheerfully upon the great Maker of the World, that he does not leave his Creatures so absolutely destitute, but that in the worst Circumstances they have always something to be thankful for, and sometimes are nearer their Deliverance than they imagine; nay, are even brought to their Deliverance by the Means by which they seem to be brought to their Destruction.”

— From Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe (p259).

My desk with Robinson Crusoe and some handwritten drafts on it

When I think about my recent creative output I get the same sick feeling in my stomach I used to get when I showed up to class without doing my homework. The months have gone so quickly, and my emotions have been so up and down, that I haven't been able to maintain any consistent output. My mind wants to turn to the worst habits, and I feel very distracted. We are not going through a crisis or anything like that, but we're just tired. I am ready for the school year to be over. At the very least, I can say that I did some things this past month, and I do consistently* play guitar and read and study my languages. I think discipline consists much more in the little decisions that we must make over and over every single day, than in the resolutions we make a few times a year.

Writing

I did a little work on my current novel, but not enough. Throughout my days I hear my characters calling to me, wondering where I am and why I am leaving them where they are. Then when I do sit down I get distracted and/or my toddler comes and starts poking my face or throwing books at me because she wants me to read to her.

Music

I have been playing almost every day, but I haven't really produced anything but podcast episodes. It is just really hard to find the time and energy right now. Sometimes I try to play around the kids, and they enjoy it for a few minutes, but then my toddler twists the tuners on my guitar and I get mad. I do believe that being interruptible is a virtue that Jesus displayed, but more often I feel like Harrison Bergeron's Dad.

Listening

I spent a great deal of time with Needtobreathe's new album, The Long Surrender. It was the first time since the HARDLOVE era that I really connected with and decided to buy one of their albums (yes, I still buy physical discs). It had a confessional, honest tone that felt very timely. Favorite tracks are probably Say It Now and Strangeness of It All. It was a great comfort to reconnect with a beloved band, especially in this season of life and this season of the world.

Reading

I have just finished Robinson Crusoe and I enjoyed it. According to the Preface, Defoe intended it for “the Improvement and Instruction of Mankind in the Ways of Virtue and Piety, by representing the various Circumstances to which Mankind is exposed; and encouraging such as fall into ordinary or extraordinary Casualties of Life, how to work thro' Difficulties, with unwearied Diligence and Application, and look up to Providence for Success.” It is full of un-hypocritical 'middle-aged moralizing' that the world seems devoid of right now. It definitely has some rough edges, but for a novel written in 1719 I think you might be surprised how pleasant it is to read once you get used to the punctuation and spelling. My copy also has a bunch of appendices that give some context for the novel, which I appreciate.

It has shown me just how uncomfortable I have become with Solitude, and how hypocritical I am when it comes to my engagement with technology. I wish I could say that after reading Robinson Crusoe I have changed my Ways. But the awareness of a Sin does not always Deliver you from It. Sometimes it makes you feel more Wretched. One of the appendices includes a sermon of sorts, about Solitude, in which the author (Richard Baxter) describes how much “VANITY and VEXATION” we could be delivered from by Solitude, if only we could be delivered from ourselves. I think this is why we have engineered the extinction of boredom (besides greed). We use our devices to escape from ourselves, and I am too painfully aware of that in myself right now. Still, it is a starting place, and I am resolved to keep fighting for my Tranquility and Peace and Industry, by the Grace of God, throughout the ordinary and extraordinary “Casualties of Life.”

#update #May #2026

Thank you for reading! I greatly regret that I will most likely never be able to meet you in person and shake your hand, but perhaps we can virtually shake hands via my newsletter, social media, or a cup of coffee sent over the wire. They are poor substitutes, but they can be a real grace in this intractable world.

Send me a kind word or a cup of coffee:

Buy Me a Coffee | Listen to My Music | Listen to My Podcast | Follow Me on Mastodon | Read With Me on Bookwyrm

Sources

Defoe, Daniel. Crusoe Robinson. Edited by Evan R. Davis. Broadview Press, Toronto, Ontario, 2010 (1719).

]]> https://blog.hdansin.com/may-2026-update Sat, 09 May 2026 15:23:41 +0000 April 2026 Update https://blog.hdansin.com/april-2026-update?pk_campaign=rss-feed <![CDATA[ "Thank you" would die on your lips If you knew, What pride and ambition and hate I have had to fight in myself, To earn it. a photo of my desk, which has my notebook and books on it. March has ended and I am not quite sure where it went. Did I write? Yes I did. Did I make music? Yes I did. Did I do either of those things as well or as much as I had planned? No. If there are 'creatives' out there whose output is steady and controlled, I am certainly not one of them. I have worked hard to develop 'bare minimum habits' that help me maintain some consistency, but on top of those habits my output has always been stormy. Sometimes it overflows, sometimes it dries up, and I have to dig a deep well with my fingernails to find anything. Lately the music well has been much more productive than the writing well (at least in terms of fiction). I do not think this is unnatural in the sense that humans are not machines, but it would be nice to have an even keel. Ultimately though, I can rest because I believe that my life is Not My Own, and there is freedom in that. I just have to remember it, and endure it. !--more-- Writing I wish I could banish the guilt I feel when I think of how little progress I have made on the book. I did write a pretty long essay, but for some reason I just can't shake a sense of failure when I don't work on the book. E.B. White once likened the impulse to write something as having a storm cloud over one's head until the thing is written, and I resonate with that very much. I suppose I should stop feeling guilty and just recognize that these works that seem to appear over my head are just manifestations of the creative process; but I push back on that phrasing "just manifestations of the creative process," because I feel that it cheapens the work. I will say that the Manliness essay was a cloud that had been hanging over me for years, and it felt good to finally dispel it. Writing is a fascinating process. Control over it (for me) is both a responsibility and an illusion. Music A photo of my "studio" I have been playing and practicing quite a lot. I bought a new acoustic guitar, which I have 'needed' for a while. The neck on my old one is somewhat rough, which means it taught me a lot about proper technique and finger position, but come showtime was really limiting and nerve-racking. The new one, an Orangewood, is very nice for the price, and I am liking it more every day as I break it in. I almost immediately started recording (semi-officially) the Lit Songs album with it. I think I have gotten good enough with my microphones and production process that I can make very nice sounding demos, complete with drums! The challenge is really just finding time when the house is quiet (which is not often, with two young kids). I mostly record at night instead of playing video games, which is good, but also I need to sleep. I need to pace myself. Reading I read a lot for the podcast, namely Piranesi and That Hideous Strength and Borges (still editing those recordings). For fun, I have picked up Robinson Crusoe and The Divine Comedy. I have enjoyed That Hideous Strength and Robinson Crusoe the most out of those. I have also decided to try and revive my Latin. For language learning, my main goal is usually just to be able to read. To that end I have been reading 死神永生 (Death's End) by 《刘慈欣》(Liu Cixin) for over about a year. I try to read one page a day, writing down words I don't know, then adding them to Pleco's flashcard function. I do think my comprehension is improving, but it is still far from where I want it to be. For Latin, I am restarting Gustatio Linguae Latinae. My wife is a Latin teacher, so I've got a pretty good motivational head start, and it has really been a lot of fun. It is really amazing to me how video games have the power to inoculate so many of my life-giving impulses. I think it is because video games offer a facsimile of what they promise: skill building (learning a musical instrument), exploration (reading about a new place), immersion (learning a new language and reading primary sources), self-expression (writing). Please note, I do not think video games are evil, it is just that they can be easily abused out of all moderation. I have also been fasting from breakfast to dinner for Holy Week, and it has helped me realize just how many impulses for consumption I have, and how little I deny them. Those little snacks and cookies and glasses of milk add up, even though they are not harmful in themselves. And it seems to me that the modern adulthood our culture strives for is less about self control, and more about working ourselves into the ground for a life that doesn't require it. So many of the things we buy are for pure convenience and organization, so that we don't have to think or be responsible. AI is no different in this regard, and the commercials for it emphasize the fact that it can automate tasks that we have already striven to automate, so that we will just become Dostoevsky's "General Humans" or C.S. Lewis's "Men Without Chests." Well, until next time. [1]: If I do not cite a poetry source, you can assume that I wrote it. #update #April #2026 --- Thank you for reading! I greatly regret that I will most likely never be able to meet you in person and shake your hand, but perhaps we can virtually shake hands via my newsletter, social media, or a cup of coffee sent over the wire. They are poor substitutes, but they can be a real grace in this intractable world. !--emailsub-- --- Send me a kind word or a cup of coffee: Buy Me a Coffee | Listen to My Music | Listen to My Podcast | Follow Me on Mastodon | Read With Me on Bookwyrm ]]>

“Thank you” would die on your lips
If you knew,
What pride and ambition and hate
I have had to fight in myself,
To earn it.[^1]

a photo of my desk, which has my notebook and books on it.

March has ended and I am not quite sure where it went. Did I write? Yes I did. Did I make music? Yes I did. Did I do either of those things as well or as much as I had planned? No. If there are 'creatives' out there whose output is steady and controlled, I am certainly not one of them. I have worked hard to develop 'bare minimum habits' that help me maintain some consistency, but on top of those habits my output has always been stormy. Sometimes it overflows, sometimes it dries up, and I have to dig a deep well with my fingernails to find anything. Lately the music well has been much more productive than the writing well (at least in terms of fiction). I do not think this is unnatural in the sense that humans are not machines, but it would be nice to have an even keel. Ultimately though, I can rest because I believe that my life is Not My Own, and there is freedom in that. I just have to remember it, and endure it.

Writing

I wish I could banish the guilt I feel when I think of how little progress I have made on the book. I did write a pretty long essay, but for some reason I just can't shake a sense of failure when I don't work on the book. E.B. White once likened the impulse to write something as having a storm cloud over one's head until the thing is written, and I resonate with that very much. I suppose I should stop feeling guilty and just recognize that these works that seem to appear over my head are just manifestations of the creative process; but I push back on that phrasing “just manifestations of the creative process,” because I feel that it cheapens the work. I will say that the Manliness essay was a cloud that had been hanging over me for years, and it felt good to finally dispel it. Writing is a fascinating process. Control over it (for me) is both a responsibility and an illusion.

Music

A photo of my "studio"

I have been playing and practicing quite a lot. I bought a new acoustic guitar, which I have 'needed' for a while. The neck on my old one is somewhat rough, which means it taught me a lot about proper technique and finger position, but come showtime was really limiting and nerve-racking. The new one, an Orangewood, is very nice for the price, and I am liking it more every day as I break it in. I almost immediately started recording (semi-officially) the Lit Songs album with it. I think I have gotten good enough with my microphones and production process that I can make very nice sounding demos, complete with drums! The challenge is really just finding time when the house is quiet (which is not often, with two young kids). I mostly record at night instead of playing video games, which is good, but also I need to sleep. I need to pace myself.

Reading

I read a lot for the podcast, namely Piranesi and That Hideous Strength and Borges (still editing those recordings). For fun, I have picked up Robinson Crusoe and The Divine Comedy. I have enjoyed That Hideous Strength and Robinson Crusoe the most out of those.

I have also decided to try and revive my Latin. For language learning, my main goal is usually just to be able to read. To that end I have been reading 死神永生 (Death's End) by 《刘慈欣》(Liu Cixin) for over about a year. I try to read one page a day, writing down words I don't know, then adding them to Pleco's flashcard function. I do think my comprehension is improving, but it is still far from where I want it to be. For Latin, I am restarting Gustatio Linguae Latinae. My wife is a Latin teacher, so I've got a pretty good motivational head start, and it has really been a lot of fun.

It is really amazing to me how video games have the power to inoculate so many of my life-giving impulses. I think it is because video games offer a facsimile of what they promise: skill building (learning a musical instrument), exploration (reading about a new place), immersion (learning a new language and reading primary sources), self-expression (writing). Please note, I do not think video games are evil, it is just that they can be easily abused out of all moderation. I have also been fasting from breakfast to dinner for Holy Week, and it has helped me realize just how many impulses for consumption I have, and how little I deny them. Those little snacks and cookies and glasses of milk add up, even though they are not harmful in themselves. And it seems to me that the modern adulthood our culture strives for is less about self control, and more about working ourselves into the ground for a life that doesn't require it. So many of the things we buy are for pure convenience and organization, so that we don't have to think or be responsible. AI is no different in this regard, and the commercials for it emphasize the fact that it can automate tasks that we have already striven to automate, so that we will just become Dostoevsky's “General Humans” or C.S. Lewis's “Men Without Chests.”

Well, until next time.

[1]: If I do not cite a poetry source, you can assume that I wrote it.

#update #April #2026

Thank you for reading! I greatly regret that I will most likely never be able to meet you in person and shake your hand, but perhaps we can virtually shake hands via my newsletter, social media, or a cup of coffee sent over the wire. They are poor substitutes, but they can be a real grace in this intractable world.

Send me a kind word or a cup of coffee:

Buy Me a Coffee | Listen to My Music | Listen to My Podcast | Follow Me on Mastodon | Read With Me on Bookwyrm

]]> https://blog.hdansin.com/april-2026-update Thu, 02 Apr 2026 13:41:40 +0000 March 2026 Update https://blog.hdansin.com/march-2026-update?pk_campaign=rss-feed <![CDATA["If only someone had gone before and lived or suffered or died -- made [the world] so that it could be understood! It was too stark, not redeemed, not made real with the reality that was the warm blood of life. He felt that there was something missing, some road which, if he had once found it, would have led him to a sure and quiet knowledge." -- Richard Wright in Native Son. "Many a man thinks he is making something when he's only changing things around. But God let Moses make." -- Zora Neale Hurston in Mules and Men. Well I am ten days late and I don't have much of an excuse. I am somewhat behind in my novel writing, which has been sporadic, so I tend to put all my other writing off until I put time in on the novel. In this case I am just choosing to get this update done instead of doing something else. For me, that is really the only way anything gets done. I do not have a normal work day. I have a full time home gig that doesn't really allow days off, or any breaks at all. To say more would be to wallow in a bit too much bitterness, I think. Really I am thankful to be able to do this. The typing of this is something like talk therapy. You should only be worried if you stop hearing from me. !--more-- Writing I put out a sonnet which you can read on this website. I am making sporadic progress on the novel. I draft with pen and paper, typing pages in--(really re-writing them)--to the computer as I go. I have a fair few pages that have been sitting in my journal that I need to get into my hard drives (I do not believe in the cloud, but I do believe in backups), before they fall into a lake or a fire or something. I started writing a song (I guess I am pretty much always writing one, I just don't get around to recording them because of the aforementioned job and my other work). And I am working on another essay. Music I am currently on vacation, and decided to bring my acoustic and work through a fingerstyle guitar course I bought awhile ago. It is by Jamie Dupuis and it has been immensely helpful. As a self taught guitarist, I never really had anyone tell me what scales/chord/shapes/picking patterns etc. I should learn, and this course is really filling in all the gaps. You should click on that link and listen to his harp guitar songs. Reading Last month and part of this month I read Richard Wright and James Baldwin and Zora Neale Hurston's Mules and Men. Richard Wright's Native Son was something of a shocker. I knew there would be murder but it happened so fast that it just sort of swept me up like a thriller. I read it, then read Baldwin's essay, Everybody's Protest Novel, which mentions Wright's Native Son. It was very cool, and (to nobody's surprise) I found myself agreeing with Baldwin. I like to give myself little reading quests like this. If I could attempt to extract a nugget of wisdom, it would be to point out the fact the Native Son is told from the point of view of the murderer (like Crime and Punishment, which I am sure Richard Wright had to have read at some point, but it is not Crime and Punishment that concerns me). In other "thriller" novels I have read that are written by white folks like myself, the identity of the killer is held until very last, often by withholding essential information and only dropping impossibly unrelated clues from which you could never make a connection (looking at you Agatha Christie!). If I could theorize a bit about this, I think that maybe from a white person's point of view, especially if they have the privilege of never even coming close to something like murder, they would probably have no idea why anyone would want to go and do something like that to them. So the identity of the killer is really a mystery for the white man or woman, but for the black man or woman (especially before the Civil Rights Act) who has had to watch their kids and brothers and sisters and mothers and fathers get murdered, the identity of the killer is so painfully obvious and so blindingly white. Mules and Men by Zora Neale Hurston is a beautiful collection of folktales and hoodoo lore. There are stories, sermons, curses, blessings, rhymes, songs, all told with a deft pen and a fun-loving voice. A real change from Wright and Baldwin. Reading her dialectic and following the stories feels to me something like reading Shakespeare. And the fact that she is collecting these "lies" from poor blacks in Florida and New Orleans is a fact that might rankle your stereotypical Shakespeare fan, or not, I don't know what your stereotypical Shakespeare fan is like. There is a lie she collects at the end of Chapter V where 'Ole Massa' (A slaveowner) has a slave named John. Ole Massa's kids go out in a boat and almost drown, but John saves them, so Ole Massa promises to set John free by the end of the year. Well the year comes around and Ole Massa sets him free, but he keeps calling after John, "John, Oh John! De children loves you. And I love you. De Missy like you." And John hollers back, "Yassuh," but he keeps walking. And Ole Massa hollers this too, "But' member youse a n--er, tho!" And Hurston ends it (or she faithfully records the ending this way): "Ole Massa kept callin' 'im and his voice was pitiful. But John kept right on steppin' to Canada. He answered Ole Massa every time he called 'im, but he consumed on wid his bag." If that does not say the un-sayable, then I do not know what to say. --- Thank you for reading! I greatly regret that I will most likely never be able to meet you in person and shake your hand, but perhaps we can virtually shake hands via my newsletter, social media, or a cup of coffee sent over the wire. They are poor substitutes, but they can be a real grace in this intractable world. !--emailsub-- #update #March --- Send me a kind word or a cup of coffee: Buy Me a Coffee | Listen to My Music | Listen to My Podcast | Follow Me on Mastodon | Read With Me on Bookwyrm]]> “If only someone had gone before and lived or suffered or died — made [the world] so that it could be understood! It was too stark, not redeemed, not made real with the reality that was the warm blood of life. He felt that there was something missing, some road which, if he had once found it, would have led him to a sure and quiet knowledge.”

— Richard Wright in Native Son.

“Many a man thinks he is making something when he's only changing things around. But God let Moses make.”

— Zora Neale Hurston in Mules and Men.

Well I am ten days late and I don't have much of an excuse. I am somewhat behind in my novel writing, which has been sporadic, so I tend to put all my other writing off until I put time in on the novel. In this case I am just choosing to get this update done instead of doing something else. For me, that is really the only way anything gets done. I do not have a normal work day. I have a full time home gig that doesn't really allow days off, or any breaks at all. To say more would be to wallow in a bit too much bitterness, I think. Really I am thankful to be able to do this. The typing of this is something like talk therapy. You should only be worried if you stop hearing from me.

Writing

I put out a sonnet which you can read on this website. I am making sporadic progress on the novel. I draft with pen and paper, typing pages in—(really re-writing them)—to the computer as I go. I have a fair few pages that have been sitting in my journal that I need to get into my hard drives (I do not believe in the cloud, but I do believe in backups), before they fall into a lake or a fire or something. I started writing a song (I guess I am pretty much always writing one, I just don't get around to recording them because of the aforementioned job and my other work). And I am working on another essay.

Music

I am currently on vacation, and decided to bring my acoustic and work through a fingerstyle guitar course I bought awhile ago. It is by Jamie Dupuis and it has been immensely helpful. As a self taught guitarist, I never really had anyone tell me what scales/chord/shapes/picking patterns etc. I should learn, and this course is really filling in all the gaps. You should click on that link and listen to his harp guitar songs.

Reading

Last month and part of this month I read Richard Wright and James Baldwin and Zora Neale Hurston's Mules and Men. Richard Wright's Native Son was something of a shocker. I knew there would be murder but it happened so fast that it just sort of swept me up like a thriller. I read it, then read Baldwin's essay, Everybody's Protest Novel, which mentions Wright's Native Son. It was very cool, and (to nobody's surprise) I found myself agreeing with Baldwin. I like to give myself little reading quests like this. If I could attempt to extract a nugget of wisdom, it would be to point out the fact the Native Son is told from the point of view of the murderer (like Crime and Punishment, which I am sure Richard Wright had to have read at some point, but it is not Crime and Punishment that concerns me). In other “thriller” novels I have read that are written by white folks like myself, the identity of the killer is held until very last, often by withholding essential information and only dropping impossibly unrelated clues from which you could never make a connection (looking at you Agatha Christie!). If I could theorize a bit about this, I think that maybe from a white person's point of view, especially if they have the privilege of never even coming close to something like murder, they would probably have no idea why anyone would want to go and do something like that to them. So the identity of the killer is really a mystery for the white man or woman, but for the black man or woman (especially before the Civil Rights Act) who has had to watch their kids and brothers and sisters and mothers and fathers get murdered, the identity of the killer is so painfully obvious and so blindingly white.

Mules and Men by Zora Neale Hurston is a beautiful collection of folktales and hoodoo lore. There are stories, sermons, curses, blessings, rhymes, songs, all told with a deft pen and a fun-loving voice. A real change from Wright and Baldwin. Reading her dialectic and following the stories feels to me something like reading Shakespeare. And the fact that she is collecting these “lies” from poor blacks in Florida and New Orleans is a fact that might rankle your stereotypical Shakespeare fan, or not, I don't know what your stereotypical Shakespeare fan is like. There is a lie she collects at the end of Chapter V where 'Ole Massa' (A slaveowner) has a slave named John. Ole Massa's kids go out in a boat and almost drown, but John saves them, so Ole Massa promises to set John free by the end of the year. Well the year comes around and Ole Massa sets him free, but he keeps calling after John, “John, Oh John! De children loves you. And I love you. De Missy like you.” And John hollers back, “Yassuh,” but he keeps walking. And Ole Massa hollers this too, “But' member youse a n—er, tho!” And Hurston ends it (or she faithfully records the ending this way):

“Ole Massa kept callin' 'im and his voice was pitiful. But John kept right on steppin' to Canada. He answered Ole Massa every time he called 'im, but he consumed on wid his bag.”

If that does not say the un-sayable, then I do not know what to say.

Thank you for reading! I greatly regret that I will most likely never be able to meet you in person and shake your hand, but perhaps we can virtually shake hands via my newsletter, social media, or a cup of coffee sent over the wire. They are poor substitutes, but they can be a real grace in this intractable world.

#update #March

Send me a kind word or a cup of coffee:

Buy Me a Coffee | Listen to My Music | Listen to My Podcast | Follow Me on Mastodon | Read With Me on Bookwyrm

]]> https://blog.hdansin.com/march-2026-update Wed, 11 Mar 2026 02:07:38 +0000 February 2026 Update https://blog.hdansin.com/february-2026-update?pk_campaign=rss-feed <![CDATA["For evil is in the world: it may be in the world to stay. No creed and no dogma are proof against it, and indeed no person is; it is always the naked person, alone, who, over and over and over again, must wrest his salvation from these black jaws. Perhaps young Martin was finding a new and more somber meaning in the command: "Overcome evil with good." The command does not suggest that to overcome evil is to eradicate it." – James Baldwin. Essay on Martin Luther King Jr. February 1961. I think perhaps the privileged of us, whether racially or financially or geographically, are now staring this truth in the face. Evil is in the world, and we are foundering in it. There are traditions in which we might find the resources to overcome it, but for many the truly American tradition of severing oneself from tradition, has severed us from hope. We might look back and see that things are not so bad as they once were, and that we can fight to make them better. We do not have to look far. Black history month is a good start. I suppose the above quote from my man James Baldwin might seem harsh or pessimistic, but I see a pragmatic hope. For what else can we do with evil, but overcome it with good? It will take (as Baldwin was fond of saying) every ounce of our stamina, but it can be overcome. And I dare say it will be. Go read some Baldwin, some Martin Luther King Jr. Some Hurston. Listen to some Sam Cooke and Don Shirley. Try some new things and suggest things to your friends and make art to help the world feel more human. Call your congressman and senators. Protest. Donate to the people on the frontlines. Go read the words of the Apostle who wrote the words that Baldwin quotes. !--more-- Writing Well things did not go to plan. The pressures of life and the news crushed my resolutions. I have not given up on them, but am trying to forgive myself for failing and moving on. I did work on my novel. I did write an essay. I did make some music. Not as much as I wanted to, but it is better than nothing. I hope to make writing more of a repository of the energy that I have historically wasted on video games and technology. And I am picking up the queries again (apparently the first couple weeks of January is a bad time for it). If you want to know what querying is like here is a great Peanuts comic: Peanuts comic showing Charlie Browne's valentine getting rejected. Music I got together with a few friends and did a jam session in a local studio space. Was a lot of fun and going to try and do it more often. Also recorded a demo for my Tess song that is not done yet. But I've really got to get on those demos. I have a lot of songs written that I haven't done proper recordings of yet. I've decided to just do a demo album and accept that I can't do professional sound quality from my home. My eventual goal is to get in a studio to get some professional sounding tracks. Hence the jam sessions. But jam sessions are also life giving by themselves. Reading I started reading Robinson Crusoe which has been fun. I enjoy Defoe's use of capitalization. Here's an example of when he speaks of the Impulse that causes him to ignore the advice of his father and run away to sea. It seemed "a secret over ruling Decree that hurries us on to be the Instruments of our own Destruction, even tho' it be before us, and that we rush upon it with our Eyes open." I also finished Crime and Punishment on my birthday. I was impressed as usual with Dostoevsky. This book engrossed me so violently on my first read that I didn't notice, as I tried to on the second time through, just how well planned and constructed everything is. He is a master of plot and character. Raskolnikov reveals to us (or to me) that murder is not so far from our hearts as we think. There is also a theme about the necessity of Law and a system of punishing those who violate human rights. That suffering can give us an opportunity for redemption. This is perhaps the only story by Dostoevsky that has a 'happy' ending. Here's a quote: "Perhaps it was just because of the strength of his desires that he had thought himself a man to whom more was permissible than to others." [1] Baldwin, James. "Martin Luther King." Collected Essays. The Library of America, 1998. Page 651. --- Thank you for reading! I greatly regret that I will most likely never be able to meet you in person and shake your hand, but perhaps we can virtually shake hands via my newsletter, social media, or a cup of coffee sent over the wire. They are poor substitutes, but they can be a real grace in this intractable world. !--emailsub-- #update #February --- Send me a kind word or a cup of coffee: Buy Me a Coffee | Listen to My Music | Listen to My Podcast | Follow Me on Mastodon | Read With Me on Bookwyrm]]> “For evil is in the world: it may be in the world to stay. No creed and no dogma are proof against it, and indeed no person is; it is always the naked person, alone, who, over and over and over again, must wrest his salvation from these black jaws. Perhaps young Martin was finding a new and more somber meaning in the command: “Overcome evil with good.” The command does not suggest that to overcome evil is to eradicate it.”

– James Baldwin. Essay on Martin Luther King Jr. February 1961.[^1]

I think perhaps the privileged of us, whether racially or financially or geographically, are now staring this truth in the face. Evil is in the world, and we are foundering in it. There are traditions in which we might find the resources to overcome it, but for many the truly American tradition of severing oneself from tradition, has severed us from hope. We might look back and see that things are not so bad as they once were, and that we can fight to make them better. We do not have to look far. Black history month is a good start. I suppose the above quote from my man James Baldwin might seem harsh or pessimistic, but I see a pragmatic hope. For what else can we do with evil, but overcome it with good? It will take (as Baldwin was fond of saying) every ounce of our stamina, but it can be overcome. And I dare say it will be. Go read some Baldwin, some Martin Luther King Jr. Some Hurston. Listen to some Sam Cooke and Don Shirley. Try some new things and suggest things to your friends and make art to help the world feel more human. Call your congressman and senators. Protest. Donate to the people on the frontlines. Go read the words of the Apostle who wrote the words that Baldwin quotes.

Writing

Well things did not go to plan. The pressures of life and the news crushed my resolutions. I have not given up on them, but am trying to forgive myself for failing and moving on. I did work on my novel. I did write an essay. I did make some music. Not as much as I wanted to, but it is better than nothing. I hope to make writing more of a repository of the energy that I have historically wasted on video games and technology. And I am picking up the queries again (apparently the first couple weeks of January is a bad time for it).

If you want to know what querying is like here is a great Peanuts comic:

Peanuts comic showing Charlie Browne's valentine getting rejected.

Music

I got together with a few friends and did a jam session in a local studio space. Was a lot of fun and going to try and do it more often. Also recorded a demo for my Tess song that is not done yet. But I've really got to get on those demos. I have a lot of songs written that I haven't done proper recordings of yet. I've decided to just do a demo album and accept that I can't do professional sound quality from my home. My eventual goal is to get in a studio to get some professional sounding tracks. Hence the jam sessions. But jam sessions are also life giving by themselves.

Reading

I started reading Robinson Crusoe which has been fun. I enjoy Defoe's use of capitalization. Here's an example of when he speaks of the Impulse that causes him to ignore the advice of his father and run away to sea. It seemed “a secret over ruling Decree that hurries us on to be the Instruments of our own Destruction, even tho' it be before us, and that we rush upon it with our Eyes open.”

I also finished Crime and Punishment on my birthday. I was impressed as usual with Dostoevsky. This book engrossed me so violently on my first read that I didn't notice, as I tried to on the second time through, just how well planned and constructed everything is. He is a master of plot and character. Raskolnikov reveals to us (or to me) that murder is not so far from our hearts as we think. There is also a theme about the necessity of Law and a system of punishing those who violate human rights. That suffering can give us an opportunity for redemption. This is perhaps the only story by Dostoevsky that has a 'happy' ending. Here's a quote:

“Perhaps it was just because of the strength of his desires that he had thought himself a man to whom more was permissible than to others.”

[1] Baldwin, James. “Martin Luther King.” Collected Essays. The Library of America, 1998. Page 651.

Thank you for reading! I greatly regret that I will most likely never be able to meet you in person and shake your hand, but perhaps we can virtually shake hands via my newsletter, social media, or a cup of coffee sent over the wire. They are poor substitutes, but they can be a real grace in this intractable world.

#update #February

Send me a kind word or a cup of coffee:

Buy Me a Coffee | Listen to My Music | Listen to My Podcast | Follow Me on Mastodon | Read With Me on Bookwyrm

]]> https://blog.hdansin.com/february-2026-update Sat, 07 Feb 2026 21:01:22 +0000 January 2026 Update https://blog.hdansin.com/january-2026-update?pk_campaign=rss-feed <![CDATA["We'll take a cup o' kindness yet, For Auld Lang Syne." "I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach. Oh, tell me I may sponge away the writing on this stone!" — Ebenezer Scrooge Another year has gone, and as I look back I wish I had a Ghost to show me the significant moments. As I learned from Neal Postman in Technopoly, every technology carries an agenda, and our phones, in offering the ability to document every moment, seem to assert that memory is irrelevant; that the human mind is too fallible to be trusted with something as important as what has happened and is happening and will happen. Well, I reject that with every force of my being. For who can tell the self what is happening to it, other than itself? Even (or especially) those of us who believe in an Authority who can supersede the self, must yet work to distinguish between those words the self wishes to hear from the Word and the words the self needs to hear from the Word. Technology ought to be a tool, and nothing more. Those spectres of Ignorance and Want, which have haunted mankind since before Dickens named them in A Christmas Carol, have not been driven away by the information age. So take a cup of kindness (and I mean actual kindness) this year, for old time's sake, and pass it on. God knows we need it. !--more-- Writing Drafting continues on my new novel. I am going to try and up my daily word goal to 500 from 250. I suppose that might seem low, but it's about all I can manage as a full time parent. If I keep to it I should have a book's draft done within a year. I've also had an essay in my head for awhile, so I've got to try and get that out there. Music I guess I should set some sort of New Year's goal, so here it is: Record demos for all of my Lit Songs by the end of the year. I've decided to try and get into a studio at some point, but I could probably only get one or two down, especially ones that require a band. But if I accept that my demo recordings aren't going to be studio recordings I think I can get the album done, as a sort of trial run that I can show people. First on the list is the Tess song that I did for Tiny Desk last year. Ugh, 'last year.' Reading My wife and I read Pride and Prejudice and it was lovely. It was my first time reading it since seventh grade, so it was very refreshing. It was also refreshing because Jane Austen is, to me, the Shakespeare of novelists. Her style is so drained of frivolity and bitterness that it could almost be accused of vacuity were it not so very essential. There will, of course, be words and constructions that will puzzle a modern reader because of semantic drift, but once you get used to it is is very rewarding, and her books are not long. Like Shakespeare, they continue when you put them down and recur to you throughout your life. I am also jealous that she lived at a time when people communicated with letters. They are the perfect literary device because you can quote them wholesale, and the reader can imagine themselves in the mind of the protagonist who is reading the letter. Instant immersion, even when you close the book, because you, along with Elizabeth, will be thinking about Mr. Darcy's letter as you go about your life. It really is a lovely story about the value of true connubial felicity, and I think I will be saying more about it in my next essay. So stay tuned. I'll have it by the end of the month? 🤞. I'll let Elizabeth round this one out: "The more I see of the world, the more I am dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on either merit or sense." (130). Later on, on learning from the past: "How despicably have I acted! ... I, who have prided myself on my discernment! — I, who have valued myself on my abilities! who have often disdained the generous candour of my sister, and gratified my vanity, in useless or blameable distrust! — How humiliating is this discovery! — Yet, how just a humiliation! — Had I been in love, I could not have been more wretchedly blind. But vanity, not love, has been my folly. — Pleased with the preference of one, and offended by the neglect of the other, on the very beginning of our acquaintance, I have courted prepossession and ignorance, and driven reason away, where either were concerned. Till this moment, I never knew myself." (193). To knowing oneself in the Past, Present, and Future. "What are men to rocks and mountains?" (147). Works Cited Burns, Robert. "Auld Lang Syne." 1788. Dickens, Charles. A Christmas Carol. Chapman and Hall, 1843. Austen, Jane. Pride and Prejudice. Aucturus Publishing Limited, 2011 (1813). --- Thank you for reading! I greatly regret that I will most likely never be able to meet you in person and shake your hand, but perhaps we can virtually shake hands via my newsletter, social media, or a cup of coffee sent over the wire. They are poor substitutes, but they can be a real grace in this intractable world. !--emailsub-- #update #January --- Send me a kind word or a cup of coffee: Buy Me a Coffee | Listen to My Music | Listen to My Podcast | Follow Me on Mastodon | Read With Me on Bookwyrm ]]> “We'll take a cup o' kindness yet, For Auld Lang Syne.”

“I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach. Oh, tell me I may sponge away the writing on this stone!”

— Ebenezer Scrooge

Another year has gone, and as I look back I wish I had a Ghost to show me the significant moments. As I learned from Neal Postman in Technopoly, every technology carries an agenda, and our phones, in offering the ability to document every moment, seem to assert that memory is irrelevant; that the human mind is too fallible to be trusted with something as important as what has happened and is happening and will happen. Well, I reject that with every force of my being. For who can tell the self what is happening to it, other than itself? Even (or especially) those of us who believe in an Authority who can supersede the self, must yet work to distinguish between those words the self wishes to hear from the Word and the words the self needs to hear from the Word. Technology ought to be a tool, and nothing more. Those spectres of Ignorance and Want, which have haunted mankind since before Dickens named them in A Christmas Carol, have not been driven away by the information age. So take a cup of kindness (and I mean actual kindness) this year, for old time's sake, and pass it on. God knows we need it.

Writing

Drafting continues on my new novel. I am going to try and up my daily word goal to 500 from 250. I suppose that might seem low, but it's about all I can manage as a full time parent. If I keep to it I should have a book's draft done within a year. I've also had an essay in my head for awhile, so I've got to try and get that out there.

Music

I guess I should set some sort of New Year's goal, so here it is: Record demos for all of my Lit Songs by the end of the year. I've decided to try and get into a studio at some point, but I could probably only get one or two down, especially ones that require a band. But if I accept that my demo recordings aren't going to be studio recordings I think I can get the album done, as a sort of trial run that I can show people. First on the list is the Tess song that I did for Tiny Desk last year. Ugh, 'last year.'

Reading

My wife and I read Pride and Prejudice and it was lovely. It was my first time reading it since seventh grade, so it was very refreshing. It was also refreshing because Jane Austen is, to me, the Shakespeare of novelists. Her style is so drained of frivolity and bitterness that it could almost be accused of vacuity were it not so very essential. There will, of course, be words and constructions that will puzzle a modern reader because of semantic drift, but once you get used to it is is very rewarding, and her books are not long. Like Shakespeare, they continue when you put them down and recur to you throughout your life. I am also jealous that she lived at a time when people communicated with letters. They are the perfect literary device because you can quote them wholesale, and the reader can imagine themselves in the mind of the protagonist who is reading the letter. Instant immersion, even when you close the book, because you, along with Elizabeth, will be thinking about Mr. Darcy's letter as you go about your life.

It really is a lovely story about the value of true connubial felicity, and I think I will be saying more about it in my next essay. So stay tuned. I'll have it by the end of the month? 🤞.

I'll let Elizabeth round this one out:

“The more I see of the world, the more I am dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on either merit or sense.” (130).

Later on, on learning from the past:

“How despicably have I acted! ... I, who have prided myself on my discernment! — I, who have valued myself on my abilities! who have often disdained the generous candour of my sister, and gratified my vanity, in useless or blameable distrust! — How humiliating is this discovery! — Yet, how just a humiliation! — Had I been in love, I could not have been more wretchedly blind. But vanity, not love, has been my folly. — Pleased with the preference of one, and offended by the neglect of the other, on the very beginning of our acquaintance, I have courted prepossession and ignorance, and driven reason away, where either were concerned. Till this moment, I never knew myself.” (193).

To knowing oneself in the Past, Present, and Future.

“What are men to rocks and mountains?” (147).

Works Cited

Burns, Robert. “Auld Lang Syne.” 1788.

Dickens, Charles. A Christmas Carol. Chapman and Hall, 1843.

Austen, Jane. Pride and Prejudice. Aucturus Publishing Limited, 2011 (1813).

Thank you for reading! I greatly regret that I will most likely never be able to meet you in person and shake your hand, but perhaps we can virtually shake hands via my newsletter, social media, or a cup of coffee sent over the wire. They are poor substitutes, but they can be a real grace in this intractable world.

#update #January

Send me a kind word or a cup of coffee:

Buy Me a Coffee | Listen to My Music | Listen to My Podcast | Follow Me on Mastodon | Read With Me on Bookwyrm

]]> https://blog.hdansin.com/january-2026-update Sat, 03 Jan 2026 01:59:40 +0000 December 2025 Update https://blog.hdansin.com/december-2o25-update?pk_campaign=rss-feed <![CDATA["A writer who is worried about his career is also fighting for his life." — James Baldwin in "The Black Boy Looks at the White Boy" Well this is the last update of the year. That went fast. Time moves faster and faster as one ages. That is not a very original observation, is it? When I think about where I was last year I suppose I am most definitely in a better place, mainly because I don't have pneumonia, but I guess I have grown a bit as a writer, and a husband and a father and a friend. I feel that I have been tried much more in my personal life than in my artistic life. When I say personal life I do not mean there has been anything especially dramatic, I mean I have been tried in those secret places of my pride, that only those with good marriages or deep relationships discover in themselves. I have been tried, and found wanting, and broken down, and improved. That is, I suppose, evidence that I am walking with Jesus. I have a lot to be thankful for. !--more-- Writing I decided to start publishing on Medium again. It is my way of "fighting for my life," for what Baldwin means, to me, is that a writer who is worried about his career is worried that he will be able to keep doing it, or whether it will always be a hobby. The writer who is worried about his career is worried that writing can be a career at all, and I am certainly worried about that. Querying. Querying. Querying. I will always be writing, but I do have to provide for my family at some point. Medium is really just a way for me to get exposure. It is where an audience is, and it harms my conscience much less than YouTube (not to mention all the extra work of video production). Write.as will always be the definitive home for my words, and my major essays will always be free, but I will be putting things on Medium because it is the only place where I have ever been paid for my work, and because I do not have the time or emotional energy to find and submit to magazines. It is also, as far as I can tell, funded by real people and not ads. I do have a suspicion that most of those people are also writers, but that is fine with me. If they are writers then they are more likely to read long form content and poetry and the other weird stuff I like to write. I am going to try very hard to stay true to my voice and not adopt the bloggy one sentence paragraph phone friendly sort of style that seems to be in vogue. He says as he is writing on his blog... If you'd like to support me over there please feel free: https://medium.com/@hdansin Music Started playing guitar again, and while my wrist is not all the way there yet it is getting better day by day. I don't notice it much when I am playing. The most exciting thing for me was working on a soundtrack for a friend's project. It has been really fun to do, and finally gave me the motivation I needed to learn how to do some MIDI stuff with our old keyboard. It is kind of astonishing how many instruments are available for free out there. Really impressed by Decent Sampler and many of the sample packs, particularly Lichen. Reading Standouts for me this past month were The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt, and Nobody Knows my Name by James Baldwin. I had started Anxious Generation in September but finally got around to finishing it. It is a good book that is worth reading, but it was a frustrating read for me because I do not like sociology. I respect it as a worthwhile science, but I also resent the way it turns people into numbers and makes ends of means. Thankfully, I agree with the end of Anxious Generation, and I hope that it will inspire people to finally reject social media and Big Tech as we know it. In the very least, I think it is an important book for any parent to read. I know I will be referring to it and some of the resources he lists, especially Let Grow, for the next couple decades. James Baldwin has become comfort reading, and more, for me. I was thinking today about "life writers", writers that we develop deep relationships with over our lives, and Baldwin is definitely one of mine. I'm slowly (maybe not so slowly) reading through his body of work, and it has been a real staff to lean on. He has shown me that one can be both objective and soulful in an essay, that the use of one's personal life (as long as it is presented with unflinching honesty and humility) can be a noble source for both fiction and non-fiction, that I should never be ashamed about the length of my paragraphs or the complexity of my sentences, that race in America goes far deeper and wider than I could've imagined, that we have come a long way, and yet have so far to go. Here is a long quote, just because I love it: "I do not think, if one is a writer, that one escapes it by trying to become something else. One does not become something else: one becomes nothing. And what is crucial here is that the writer, however unwillingly, always, somewhere, knows this. There is no structure he can build strong enough to keep out this self-knowledge. What has happened, however, time and time again, is that the fantasy structure the writer builds in order to escape his central responsibility operates not as his fortress, but his prison, and he perishes within it. Or: the structure he had built becomes so stifling, so lonely, so false, and acquires such a violent and dangerous life of its own, that he can break out of it only by bringing the entire structure down. With a great crash, inevitably, and on his own head, and on the heads of those closest to him. It is like smashing the windows one second before one asphyxiates; it is like burning down the house in order, at last, to be free of it." Thank you This marks a year of doing these updates, so if you have kept up with them, thank you. I still have not received any coffees from anyone, but it has been very helpful to give myself some accountability. I think, after a year, I am actually starting to have fun with writing again. My new project is a real departure from my dark, gritty, serious, fantasy series; and it is also fun to have these spaces on the internet. So thank you to Write.as for making a platform with a conscience, and thank you reader for giving me someone to write to. #update #December2025 --- 1]: Baldwin, James (1961). Nobody Knows My Name: more notes of a native son. "The Black Boy Meets the White Boy." 216. [https://archive.org/details/nobodyknowsmynam0000unse/page/216/mode/2up 2]: Baldwin, James (1961). Nobody Knows My Name: more notes of a native son. "The Black Boy Meets the White Boy." 239. [https://archive.org/details/nobodyknowsmynam0000unse/page/238/mode/2up --- Thank you for reading! I greatly regret that I will most likely never be able to meet you in person and shake your hand, but perhaps we can virtually shake hands via my newsletter, social media, or a cup of coffee sent over the wire. They are poor substitutes, but they can be a real grace in this intractable world. !--emailsub-- --- Send me a kind word or a cup of coffee: Buy Me a Coffee | Listen to My Music | Listen to My Podcast | Follow Me on Mastodon | Read With Me on Bookwyrm ]]> “A writer who is worried about his career is also fighting for his life.”[^1]

— James Baldwin in “The Black Boy Looks at the White Boy”

Well this is the last update of the year. That went fast. Time moves faster and faster as one ages. That is not a very original observation, is it? When I think about where I was last year I suppose I am most definitely in a better place, mainly because I don't have pneumonia, but I guess I have grown a bit as a writer, and a husband and a father and a friend. I feel that I have been tried much more in my personal life than in my artistic life. When I say personal life I do not mean there has been anything especially dramatic, I mean I have been tried in those secret places of my pride, that only those with good marriages or deep relationships discover in themselves. I have been tried, and found wanting, and broken down, and improved. That is, I suppose, evidence that I am walking with Jesus. I have a lot to be thankful for.

Writing

I decided to start publishing on Medium again. It is my way of “fighting for my life,” for what Baldwin means, to me, is that a writer who is worried about his career is worried that he will be able to keep doing it, or whether it will always be a hobby. The writer who is worried about his career is worried that writing can be a career at all, and I am certainly worried about that. Querying. Querying. Querying.

I will always be writing, but I do have to provide for my family at some point. Medium is really just a way for me to get exposure. It is where an audience is, and it harms my conscience much less than YouTube (not to mention all the extra work of video production). Write.as will always be the definitive home for my words, and my major essays will always be free, but I will be putting things on Medium because it is the only place where I have ever been paid for my work, and because I do not have the time or emotional energy to find and submit to magazines. It is also, as far as I can tell, funded by real people and not ads. I do have a suspicion that most of those people are also writers, but that is fine with me. If they are writers then they are more likely to read long form content and poetry and the other weird stuff I like to write. I am going to try very hard to stay true to my voice and not adopt the bloggy one sentence paragraph phone friendly sort of style that seems to be in vogue.

He says as he is writing on his blog...

If you'd like to support me over there please feel free: https://medium.com/@hdansin

Music

Started playing guitar again, and while my wrist is not all the way there yet it is getting better day by day. I don't notice it much when I am playing. The most exciting thing for me was working on a soundtrack for a friend's project. It has been really fun to do, and finally gave me the motivation I needed to learn how to do some MIDI stuff with our old keyboard. It is kind of astonishing how many instruments are available for free out there. Really impressed by Decent Sampler and many of the sample packs, particularly Lichen.

Reading

Standouts for me this past month were The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt, and Nobody Knows my Name by James Baldwin. I had started Anxious Generation in September but finally got around to finishing it. It is a good book that is worth reading, but it was a frustrating read for me because I do not like sociology. I respect it as a worthwhile science, but I also resent the way it turns people into numbers and makes ends of means. Thankfully, I agree with the end of Anxious Generation, and I hope that it will inspire people to finally reject social media and Big Tech as we know it. In the very least, I think it is an important book for any parent to read. I know I will be referring to it and some of the resources he lists, especially Let Grow, for the next couple decades.

James Baldwin has become comfort reading, and more, for me. I was thinking today about “life writers”, writers that we develop deep relationships with over our lives, and Baldwin is definitely one of mine. I'm slowly (maybe not so slowly) reading through his body of work, and it has been a real staff to lean on. He has shown me that one can be both objective and soulful in an essay, that the use of one's personal life (as long as it is presented with unflinching honesty and humility) can be a noble source for both fiction and non-fiction, that I should never be ashamed about the length of my paragraphs or the complexity of my sentences, that race in America goes far deeper and wider than I could've imagined, that we have come a long way, and yet have so far to go. Here is a long quote, just because I love it:

“I do not think, if one is a writer, that one escapes it by trying to become something else. One does not become something else: one becomes nothing. And what is crucial here is that the writer, however unwillingly, always, somewhere, knows this. There is no structure he can build strong enough to keep out this self-knowledge. What has happened, however, time and time again, is that the fantasy structure the writer builds in order to escape his central responsibility operates not as his fortress, but his prison, and he perishes within it. Or: the structure he had built becomes so stifling, so lonely, so false, and acquires such a violent and dangerous life of its own, that he can break out of it only by bringing the entire structure down. With a great crash, inevitably, and on his own head, and on the heads of those closest to him. It is like smashing the windows one second before one asphyxiates; it is like burning down the house in order, at last, to be free of it.”[^2]

Thank you

This marks a year of doing these updates, so if you have kept up with them, thank you. I still have not received any coffees from anyone, but it has been very helpful to give myself some accountability. I think, after a year, I am actually starting to have fun with writing again. My new project is a real departure from my dark, gritty, serious, fantasy series; and it is also fun to have these spaces on the internet. So thank you to Write.as for making a platform with a conscience, and thank you reader for giving me someone to write to.

#update #December2025

[1]: Baldwin, James (1961). Nobody Knows My Name: more notes of a native son. “The Black Boy Meets the White Boy.” 216. https://archive.org/details/nobodyknowsmynam0000unse/page/216/mode/2up

[2]: Baldwin, James (1961). Nobody Knows My Name: more notes of a native son. “The Black Boy Meets the White Boy.” 239. https://archive.org/details/nobodyknowsmynam0000unse/page/238/mode/2up

Thank you for reading! I greatly regret that I will most likely never be able to meet you in person and shake your hand, but perhaps we can virtually shake hands via my newsletter, social media, or a cup of coffee sent over the wire. They are poor substitutes, but they can be a real grace in this intractable world.

Send me a kind word or a cup of coffee:

Buy Me a Coffee | Listen to My Music | Listen to My Podcast | Follow Me on Mastodon | Read With Me on Bookwyrm

]]> https://blog.hdansin.com/december-2o25-update Sat, 06 Dec 2025 21:46:35 +0000 September 2025 Update https://blog.hdansin.com/september-2025-update?pk_campaign=rss-feed <![CDATA[ "Much mighty speech-making there has been, both in and out of Parliament, concerning Tom , and much wrathful disputation how Tom shall be got right. Whether he shall be put into the main road by constables, or by beadles, or by bell-ringing, or by force of figures, or by correct principles of taste, or by high church, or by low church, or by no church: whether he shall be set to splitting trusses of polemical straws with the crooked knife of his mind, or whether he shall be put to stonebreaking instead. In the midst of which dust and noise, there is but one thing perfectly clear, to wit, that Tom only may and can, or shall and will, be reclaimed according to somebody's theory but nobody's practice. And in the hopeful meantime, Tom goes to perdition head foremost in his old determined spirit." -- From Bleak House, Chapter 46, by Charles Dickens, emphasis mine Well, don't try that^ at home kids. In other news. I have been in something of a slump in my writing. I did finish the second draft of book two over the summer, but it has been hard to conjure the passion. I think part of it is due to querying. Facing so much rejection, and viewing my book as a product, makes it hard to write something fresh because when I look it over my first thought is how weird and unmarketable it is. Writing itself takes an entirely different skill-set; the joy of a creative sentence is a humble joy compared to the shiny potential of publishing; I am continually astonished how different the world of letters is from the world that sells them. Without publishing, however, one can't live on sentences alone, but my heart certainly lives for them. "I can't go on. I'll go on." !--more-- Writing Still querying. This month I plan to work on some polish edits for book two, and get drafting on an entirely different project. I think I will go back to the notebook and pen, because I can't resist opening the web browser whenever I sit in front of my computer. Music I have some songs to record. It's time for me to stop obsessing about guitar "tone," and just record the songs. I have also been asked to be more of a worship leader at church, rather than just a guitarist, and it makes sense for me. So I am thinking and praying about what that will mean. I have certainly been using the guitar as a way to procrastinate from working on my singing and songwriting. I should try to think of myself more as a whole musician, rather than a guitarist. Reading Bleak House has been a lot of fun. Dickens is still not exactly my style, but I respect him, and I have been enjoying reading him. It is certainly not easy reading, but it has forced me to slow down and just enjoy reading for itself, rather than the self-respect it can give me for being "well read." The quote at the beginning of the blog is a good example of finding joy and truth in a fun sentence. One thing, though. I would advise against writing like Dickens unless you think you're a genius, because he treats the English language with a bewildering belligerence. The astonishing thing is that he can keep it up for so many pages without repeating himself. In emulation, unless you are Dickens yourself, it will probably end up fatiguing the reader to the point of exhaustion. It's a bit like trying to play like Hendrix. Sure, you can borrow some ideas and sounds from Jimi, but don't try to be him, because you don't have his hands. Anyway, I also read a book about Robert Johnson called Up Jumped the Devil that I highly recommend. I might do a short review/blog post about it because I think it is really essential to anyone who is a fan of blues/rock and roll. The myth of Robert Johnson selling his soul to the devil is so pervasive that it is astonishing to learn about his actual life, which hadn't really been thoroughly and accurately researched until 2019! It is incredible when you consider how influential Johnson has been to the blues, and by extension Rock and Roll, and by extension the rest of music. The obscurity is partly because he wasn't that famous in his life, because he died young, and because folklore can be so powerful, and because of discrimination. I'll save the rest for another post, but go listen to Crossroad Blues, and pay attention to the lyrics. There is not a single reference to the devil or a Faustian bargain. He is, in fact, crying out to God for mercy. It would be just like the devil, to jump on the myth of a man's life and take all the credit for God-given talent and inspiration. Random Thoughts Speaking of talent, I have been wondering about the relationship between the practice of art and how we perceive it. Specifically, I have been thinking about this in the context of worship music. Music and writing for me, has an element of playfulness, even when I take myself far too seriously. Music especially is fun, and defies any sort of rule system for doing it "the right way." Yet when we listen or read, it is so easy to call something 'good' because we like it, or because everyone else does, or some accomplished and smart people do. It just feels like lying, as an artist, to get up and perform something I've created as serious and worth paying for because it feels more like fun than valuable work, even though it requires a great deal of dedication and work to create. We should, absolutely, strive to pay artists a fair wage and take them seriously -- And we should also not inflate their egos by calling them great. In the context of worship, and the idea of divine inspiration (or universal inspiration, if you prefer), I think it is important to remember that the attributes of playfulness and fun can also be found in nature. If you believe God created the universe, then you must admit that he is infinitely creative and has a sense of humor (just think of the platypus). And the more I try to create the more I believe that there is no "right" way other than the way of love: If the art is happy, let it bring a pure joy rather than a violent one. If it is sad, let it convict us with sorrow that motivates a change for hope, rather than despair. #Update #September2025 --- Footnotes: [1] Tom-all-Alone's is a slum in London where unfortunates and ne'er-do-wells end up, and usually come to a bad end. Dickens, in referring to "Tom," is referring to the poor and unfortunate. [2] Samuel Beckett, in The Unnameable --- Thank you for reading! I greatly regret that I will most likely never be able to meet you in person and shake your hand, but perhaps we can virtually shake hands via my newsletter, social media, or a cup of coffee sent over the wire. They are poor substitutes, but they can be a real grace in this intractable world. !--emailsub-- --- Send me a kind word or a cup of coffee: Buy Me a Coffee | Music | Podcast | Mastodon | Bookwyrm]]>

“Much mighty speech-making there has been, both in and out of Parliament, concerning Tom [^1], and much wrathful disputation how Tom shall be got right. Whether he shall be put into the main road by constables, or by beadles, or by bell-ringing, or by force of figures, or by correct principles of taste, or by high church, or by low church, or by no church: whether he shall be set to splitting trusses of polemical straws with the crooked knife of his mind, or whether he shall be put to stonebreaking instead. In the midst of which dust and noise, there is but one thing perfectly clear, to wit, that Tom only may and can, or shall and will, be reclaimed according to somebody's theory but nobody's practice. And in the hopeful meantime, Tom goes to perdition head foremost in his old determined spirit.”

— From Bleak House, Chapter 46, by Charles Dickens, emphasis mine

Well, don't try that^ at home kids. In other news. I have been in something of a slump in my writing. I did finish the second draft of book two over the summer, but it has been hard to conjure the passion. I think part of it is due to querying. Facing so much rejection, and viewing my book as a product, makes it hard to write something fresh because when I look it over my first thought is how weird and unmarketable it is. Writing itself takes an entirely different skill-set; the joy of a creative sentence is a humble joy compared to the shiny potential of publishing; I am continually astonished how different the world of letters is from the world that sells them. Without publishing, however, one can't live on sentences alone, but my heart certainly lives for them. “I can't go on. I'll go on.” [^2]

Writing

Still querying. This month I plan to work on some polish edits for book two, and get drafting on an entirely different project. I think I will go back to the notebook and pen, because I can't resist opening the web browser whenever I sit in front of my computer.

Music

I have some songs to record. It's time for me to stop obsessing about guitar “tone,” and just record the songs. I have also been asked to be more of a worship leader at church, rather than just a guitarist, and it makes sense for me. So I am thinking and praying about what that will mean. I have certainly been using the guitar as a way to procrastinate from working on my singing and songwriting. I should try to think of myself more as a whole musician, rather than a guitarist.

Reading

Bleak House has been a lot of fun. Dickens is still not exactly my style, but I respect him, and I have been enjoying reading him. It is certainly not easy reading, but it has forced me to slow down and just enjoy reading for itself, rather than the self-respect it can give me for being “well read.” The quote at the beginning of the blog is a good example of finding joy and truth in a fun sentence. One thing, though. I would advise against writing like Dickens unless you think you're a genius, because he treats the English language with a bewildering belligerence. The astonishing thing is that he can keep it up for so many pages without repeating himself. In emulation, unless you are Dickens yourself, it will probably end up fatiguing the reader to the point of exhaustion. It's a bit like trying to play like Hendrix. Sure, you can borrow some ideas and sounds from Jimi, but don't try to be him, because you don't have his hands.

Anyway, I also read a book about Robert Johnson called Up Jumped the Devil that I highly recommend. I might do a short review/blog post about it because I think it is really essential to anyone who is a fan of blues/rock and roll. The myth of Robert Johnson selling his soul to the devil is so pervasive that it is astonishing to learn about his actual life, which hadn't really been thoroughly and accurately researched until 2019! It is incredible when you consider how influential Johnson has been to the blues, and by extension Rock and Roll, and by extension the rest of music. The obscurity is partly because he wasn't that famous in his life, because he died young, and because folklore can be so powerful, and because of discrimination. I'll save the rest for another post, but go listen to Crossroad Blues, and pay attention to the lyrics. There is not a single reference to the devil or a Faustian bargain. He is, in fact, crying out to God for mercy. It would be just like the devil, to jump on the myth of a man's life and take all the credit for God-given talent and inspiration.

Random Thoughts

Speaking of talent, I have been wondering about the relationship between the practice of art and how we perceive it. Specifically, I have been thinking about this in the context of worship music. Music and writing for me, has an element of playfulness, even when I take myself far too seriously. Music especially is fun, and defies any sort of rule system for doing it “the right way.” Yet when we listen or read, it is so easy to call something 'good' because we like it, or because everyone else does, or some accomplished and smart people do. It just feels like lying, as an artist, to get up and perform something I've created as serious and worth paying for because it feels more like fun than valuable work, even though it requires a great deal of dedication and work to create.

We should, absolutely, strive to pay artists a fair wage and take them seriously — And we should also not inflate their egos by calling them great. In the context of worship, and the idea of divine inspiration (or universal inspiration, if you prefer), I think it is important to remember that the attributes of playfulness and fun can also be found in nature. If you believe God created the universe, then you must admit that he is infinitely creative and has a sense of humor (just think of the platypus). And the more I try to create the more I believe that there is no “right” way other than the way of love: If the art is happy, let it bring a pure joy rather than a violent one. If it is sad, let it convict us with sorrow that motivates a change for hope, rather than despair.

#Update #September2025

Footnotes:

[1] Tom-all-Alone's is a slum in London where unfortunates and ne'er-do-wells end up, and usually come to a bad end. Dickens, in referring to “Tom,” is referring to the poor and unfortunate.

[2] Samuel Beckett, in The Unnameable

Thank you for reading! I greatly regret that I will most likely never be able to meet you in person and shake your hand, but perhaps we can virtually shake hands via my newsletter, social media, or a cup of coffee sent over the wire. They are poor substitutes, but they can be a real grace in this intractable world.

Send me a kind word or a cup of coffee:

Buy Me a Coffee | Music | Podcast | Mastodon | Bookwyrm

]]> https://blog.hdansin.com/september-2025-update Sat, 06 Sep 2025 14:46:38 +0000 August 2025 Update https://blog.hdansin.com/august-2025-update?pk_campaign=rss-feed <![CDATA["Mark it, nuncle: Have more than thou showest, Speak less than thou knowest, Lend less than thou owest, Ride more than thou goest, Learn more than thou trowest, Set less than thou throwest;" trowest = believe — The Fool in King Lear Act 1. Sc. 4 Such simple advice from a fool, and yet so difficult to follow in a world which constantly tries to get us to play the fool with our wallets and our tongues. This update is coming so late because I neglected it in the first week of August, and everything got away from us. Now the end of the summer is closing fast and we can't seem to get a spare moment. Even though we purposely tried not to schedule anything it seems we've had some travel or events happening every day. Have never been more tired in my life. !--more-- Writing I managed to finish the second draft of Book 2. I think there is still more polishing to do, and possibly some shoring up in the latter section, but it is readable as a book for other people now, so progress. Also querying and getting rejected, which is par for the course. Have gotten some encouraging rejections though, so going to keep going. Music Have been picking up the guitar but not getting much done, mostly because it's been difficult to take advantage of the uninterrupted time that I have. I did manage to record a fun podcast with my friend, which was guitar related, and very fun, but I have to edit it. Hopefully it will be out soon. Reading The stack of books by my bedside is comical. Picked up King Lear to re-read after seeing it live, then picked up Three Musketeers after starting the audiobook on my way to visit a friend. Am also still reading Bleak House, and managed to finish a Sanderson book. Ah yes and also read Huckleberry Finn. If I had to pick one that's been most in my mind and not Shakespeare it is probably Bleak House. Has made me appreciate Dickens a lot more, and it is quite a haunting mystery. Dickens really has no respect for the English language. Don't try to write like him unless you have the utterly bewildering eye for detail that he does. Definitely not my style, but I respect it, and it's a fun ride. Huck Finn was also a highlight. I read it and then made my wife read it so we could talk about it. It is hard to argue with Hemingway's statement that all of American Literature comes from Huck Finn. There are patterns originated in that book that have been echoed and echoed and echoed. Problematic? Sure. Every book has problems, just like every person does, but Mark Twain was onto something, whether he knew it or not. I don't know how Jim kept his cool with Tom Sawyer's antics, and yet, I know exactly how and why. Seeing This summer has sort of been the "Summer of Shakespeare" for us. We went to see three plays, and I hope it becomes a tradition. Twelfth Night and King Lear by Capital Classics, and Hamlet by Time's fool. Managed to drag our kids and family members. I believe that live Shakespeare is for everyone, even if you have no interest in reading it. My five year old son was belly laughing at Malvolio's speech ("Some have greatness thrust upon them"), and whether or not he will clearly remember it, I have to believe in it. There are plenty of studies about the benefits of reading to children, and whether or not we remember our toddler-hood, it affects us. Going to see a Shakespeare play is about the closest thing one can come to live time travel, and the words and stories have lasted for a reason. In them we can see the passions that still exalt and crush our lives and histories played on the stage. I feel the echoes of it in my bones. And we receive more from live actors than even the best screen productions. It is a sort of collaborative spell. And a life-giving catharsis in this world of fast food regurgitations. #update #August2025 --- Thank you for reading! I greatly regret that I will most likely never be able to meet you in person and shake your hand, but perhaps we can virtually shake hands via my newsletter, social media, or a cup of coffee sent over the wire. They are poor substitutes, but they can be a real grace in this intractable world. !--emailsub-- --- Send me a kind word or a cup of coffee: Buy Me a Coffee | Music | Podcast | Mastodon | Bookwyrm ]]> “Mark it, nuncle: Have more than thou showest, Speak less than thou knowest, Lend less than thou owest, Ride more than thou goest, Learn more than thou trowest*, Set less than thou throwest;”

*trowest = believe

— The Fool in King Lear Act 1. Sc. 4

Such simple advice from a fool, and yet so difficult to follow in a world which constantly tries to get us to play the fool with our wallets and our tongues. This update is coming so late because I neglected it in the first week of August, and everything got away from us. Now the end of the summer is closing fast and we can't seem to get a spare moment. Even though we purposely tried not to schedule anything it seems we've had some travel or events happening every day. Have never been more tired in my life.

Writing

I managed to finish the second draft of Book 2. I think there is still more polishing to do, and possibly some shoring up in the latter section, but it is readable as a book for other people now, so progress. Also querying and getting rejected, which is par for the course. Have gotten some encouraging rejections though, so going to keep going.

Music

Have been picking up the guitar but not getting much done, mostly because it's been difficult to take advantage of the uninterrupted time that I have. I did manage to record a fun podcast with my friend, which was guitar related, and very fun, but I have to edit it. Hopefully it will be out soon.

Reading

The stack of books by my bedside is comical. Picked up King Lear to re-read after seeing it live, then picked up Three Musketeers after starting the audiobook on my way to visit a friend. Am also still reading Bleak House, and managed to finish a Sanderson book. Ah yes and also read Huckleberry Finn. If I had to pick one that's been most in my mind and not Shakespeare it is probably Bleak House. Has made me appreciate Dickens a lot more, and it is quite a haunting mystery. Dickens really has no respect for the English language. Don't try to write like him unless you have the utterly bewildering eye for detail that he does. Definitely not my style, but I respect it, and it's a fun ride. Huck Finn was also a highlight. I read it and then made my wife read it so we could talk about it. It is hard to argue with Hemingway's statement that all of American Literature comes from Huck Finn. There are patterns originated in that book that have been echoed and echoed and echoed. Problematic? Sure. Every book has problems, just like every person does, but Mark Twain was onto something, whether he knew it or not. I don't know how Jim kept his cool with Tom Sawyer's antics, and yet, I know exactly how and why.

Seeing

This summer has sort of been the “Summer of Shakespeare” for us. We went to see three plays, and I hope it becomes a tradition. Twelfth Night and King Lear by Capital Classics, and Hamlet by Time's fool. Managed to drag our kids and family members. I believe that live Shakespeare is for everyone, even if you have no interest in reading it. My five year old son was belly laughing at Malvolio's speech (“Some have greatness thrust upon them”), and whether or not he will clearly remember it, I have to believe in it. There are plenty of studies about the benefits of reading to children, and whether or not we remember our toddler-hood, it affects us. Going to see a Shakespeare play is about the closest thing one can come to live time travel, and the words and stories have lasted for a reason. In them we can see the passions that still exalt and crush our lives and histories played on the stage. I feel the echoes of it in my bones. And we receive more from live actors than even the best screen productions. It is a sort of collaborative spell. And a life-giving catharsis in this world of fast food regurgitations.

#update #August2025

Thank you for reading! I greatly regret that I will most likely never be able to meet you in person and shake your hand, but perhaps we can virtually shake hands via my newsletter, social media, or a cup of coffee sent over the wire. They are poor substitutes, but they can be a real grace in this intractable world.

Send me a kind word or a cup of coffee:

Buy Me a Coffee | Music | Podcast | Mastodon | Bookwyrm

]]> https://blog.hdansin.com/august-2025-update Sun, 17 Aug 2025 19:40:01 +0000